Not sure what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Not sure what to do
16
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:14pm
I'm new to this board, and in need of some advice or support. I've been happily married for over 4 years now and have never cheated on my husband. I've never even really thought about cheating, aside from normal fantasies here and there. But, I think last night I overstepped the line with a male friend of mine. I've been friends with this guy for about as long as I've been married, I met him at work about 3 months before our wedding. We have had several chances to "hook up," such as back before I was married and we had both just started our job, we were sent back east for training and stayed in the same hotel for 2 weeks. Nothing happened, I was so jazzed about my upcoming wedding that I never would have let anything happen back then.

Over the years we've become better and better friends, but we always joke about how we should have gotten together when we had the chance before I was married. We flirt constantly, and for the last 6 months or so I have found myself fantasizing about him every now and then. He plays on a softball team with my husband, so we see each other at least once a week (we no longer work together, haven't for over 2 years.) We also tend to all go out together every now and then.

Yesterday we had Thanksgiving dinner at a friends house, and everyone got pretty drunk. It got late and everyone was leaving, and my husband wanted to head home too because he didn't feel well. I somehow convinced my husband to let me go to a casino with my guy friend, though I told my husband some of the other girls were going too when I knew it would just be the two of us. I wanted to be alone with him, I wanted him to kiss me and I've wanted it for awhile. Well we did kiss pretty much right away once we were alone, though not anything major, I don't think there was even any tongue involved :-) It was kindof like a friendly thing, except we just kept kissing all night, more than would normally be considered "friendly." Right before he dropped me off at home, I stopped him a block away and told him I'd have to kiss him goodbye then, because I couldn't stand to do it in front of my house. We started to really kiss then, except he stopped and pulled away an inch or two and we were just sitting there breathing on each others lips. He said he couldn't do it because I'm married and and I told him he was right and we had another little peck before he dropped me off.

I thought about it all night, I was so excited and still am. I really enjoyed the night, and I'm not sure what to do with these feelings. I don't think I would ever want to sleep with him or anything, I know waaay too much about him and all of his sexual conquests being such good friends with him all these years. In fact, I don't ever want to do anything beyond kiss him, it's just fun. Can I have a sneaky little secret like that if it never moves beyond tongueless kissing? He seems to think that type of kiss is harmless, and I'm wondering if it really is. What do I do??


Edited 11/29/2003 2:11:52 PM ET by jenw77

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 8:02pm
I'm curious to hear what others have to say about this, because I feel like I might be in the same boat. I too am happily married. There's this guy at work that I really enjoy hanging out with and I have started making up excuses to be alone with him. We are becoming good friends, but we toss around alot of sexual innuendos. We have also started emailing each other a little on the weekends, but nothing too intense. I don't really think I actually want to sleep with him (although I have fantasized about it a few times), but I would like to kiss him.

Do you think it's really possible to just keep it at the kissing though? And is it still an affair even if all you do is kiss?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 12:22pm
I would love to be able to just keep it to kissing, and I think that I may be able to do that. He would probably be fine with it too as he's friends with my hubby too and I don't think he'd want to go too far because of that. It would be fun to just have this sneaky little kiss every now and then, just for the excitement of it. I'm starting to notice it does wonders for a sex life too. Without getting to graphic, my husband really benefitted last night from all of the pent up excitement I had from the other guy the night before! Oh, that feels so evil to say but it's true :-)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 2:39pm
It starts with a kiss and he already wants to go further. Are you ready to let that happen? I think if your emotions are involved, you are already having an A. And, yes it can help your sex life with H!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 2:50pm
I don't think that he wants to go further, at least not yet. He's the one who stopped the good night kiss before it got good, I would've made out with him all night had he not pulled away :-) I'm kinda glad he did that, it left something to the imagination and left me wanting more but not too much more. But, yes it definitely spiced up sex with my H!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Sat, 11-29-2003 - 3:16pm
I think you already know what to do, jen. You enjoyed your evening with him and you are on a cloud. It is nice that he left something to your imagination! Enjoy your firendship with him and see where it leads. Time will tell.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2003
Sun, 11-30-2003 - 10:14am
Wow, I know exactly how you feel. I am in a similar situation with a friend, but we have not really kissed yet, I wanted to kiss him a couple of weeks ago so bad while we were hugging goodbye and impulsivly kissed him on the cheek just to feel him. I was as exhilerated as I was freaked (thinking I stepped over the line, what would happen now, etc.)

Doesn't it feel weird to want to kiss someone so bad?! While I too have fantasized about sex with him I would really just love a hard-core make-out session. I would be careful though, even though he pulled away this time next time he may want more and you should be prepared for the fact that you may want to go further as well, you kow heat of the moment stuff.

Good luck though it sounds you a great opportunity for some fun. I envy you!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Sun, 11-30-2003 - 1:32pm
I love this board already! I love having so much support in a situation like this instead of people telling me how evil or wrong I am. It is so nice to know there are others out there in the same boat and enjoying the ride like I am. It's emotionally confusing, but so much fun at the same time. I talked to OM the other day and he told me he's wanted to kiss me for years, that was the best thing to hear. I guess us married women are used to the fact that our spouses want to kiss us, but when someone else does it just lights this fire inside. I still love my DH dearly, but I couldn't help falling asleep the past few nights with thoughts of the OM in my head!


Edited 11/30/2003 2:59:48 PM ET by jenw77

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 10:36pm
OMG, this is driving me crazy. Why can't I get him off of my mind?? My husband is a wonderful beautiful person but I can't stop thinking about my friend that I barely kissed. We've talked on the phone 3 times today already, mostly platonic stuff about a job he's interviewing for, but I keep finding myself throwing cheeseball perverted comments in there like a little 15 year old. I actually told him we should have phone sex!! What a dork! It is the most weirdly intense physical attraction that I've had in soooo long, but I just don't get it. Just needed to vent, thanks to all who are listening to my rambling!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 10:39pm
I know exactly what you are going through. I myself am feelin the same way about OM, but we have actually kissed and it was wonderful. DH is wonderful, sweet, and such a good man. I too feel so guilty for having secret feelings for OM, but it is just so wonderful that I can't helo myself. I know just how you feel, and it is nice to have someone that understands what you are going through. *hugs*
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 11:19pm
*hugs* right back at ya hon'! Thanks for your reply, it always feels better to know I'm not the only one out there...

 

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