Not sure what to feel...

Avatar for rainbowbrite_14
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Not sure what to feel...
4
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 1:48pm
Hi I'm new to this board. I have been reading your posts for a couple of weeks now. It has really helped me to put some things in perspective in my life. I have started up an emotional affair with someone who works in my company. He is about as far away as you can get but, we talk on the phone every day. This thing between us is very new. He had always flirted with me but, I never really returned it. Not until recently. I am very unhappy in my marriage and, I have been for a long time. I am going to divorce H, I'm just not ready yet. It's going to be very, very hard. He has everything with me and it will be hard to make him leave me alone much less physically leave the home. I had been looking around for someone to fill the void I have in my life and decided to start something with MM. He is very unhappy in his marriage too and I knew that. He has 2 kids and I have one. We have talked about meeting soon and I am scared. Scared to become too emotionally attached. To make matters worse he called me today and told me that he left his wife this weekend. Now, I know it probably has nothing to do with me, it was coming all along but, I'm nervous. I started this thing with him, whatever it is, for me. I don't want him to start putting pressure on me to leave my marriage too. Also, I have become somewhat attached to him and I'm scared of becoming obsessed. I can see from reading the posts how easy that can be. I've already started thinking that now he's going to be separted so he really doens't need to have this super discreet relationship with someone 3000 miles away. I really like talking to him, he helps me get through the nights with H. I think getting attention from someone like him has boosted my self esteem so much, I'm really feeling like I can go through with separating from H. I guess the guidance I am seeking from you all is this. Should I mention all these random thoughts to MM? I don't want to freak him out, I'm already freaked out enough for both of us I think! Thanks for any insight.
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Avatar for rainbowbrite_14
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 11:13am
**BUMP**
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Tue, 01-20-2004 - 12:11pm
hello rainbow and welcome to the board!! i'm glad to see you've been doing your reading -- on the board!!

first of all, calm down and stop freaking out about MM. you don't know what he's thinking, until you actually ask him the right questions. like, what are his plans now that he's separated, does he want to continue the R, etc., all the questions floating around in your head. has MM ever pressured you in the least about making a decision to go or stay in your M? if not, you can rest assured that right now MM will be taking care of himself and his new life first. once he figures out what direction he's going in, he'll start thinking about you and whether or not the A is doable. 3,000 miles is a long, long way away from each other.

secondly, you have to decide what YOUR future will be -- with H or not? with MM (if he actually wants that) or not? and if so, how are you going to get together? how will you sustain a R that far away from each other?? will you move if the R goes forward?

honest communication (all you have with 3,000 miles between you!) is the key! use it to unlock the answers you seek.

gurl

Avatar for rainbowbrite_14
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 1:09pm
Thanks Gurl! I am feeling much better. There seems to be a trend for us to freak out occasionally, lol! I just decided to stop thinking so much, that's always been a problem for me. He is flying in to see me in 2 weeks. I am scared but excited at the same time. I almost told him to not book the flight but, I'm tired of being scared all the time and decided to just go for it. I hope it's not a disappointment and not too awkard! Thanks again for your advice, it really helped!

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Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 1:24pm

hey rainbow -- see, now, aren't you glad you didn't freak out!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board