Not sure what to think...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2009
Not sure what to think...
14
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 3:47pm

I recently came across an ex of mine on a social networking site. He and I had a horrible break-up (my choice) many years ago. I am over the bad things that happened between us and added him to my friend's list in the hopes we could put everything in the past.


He accepted the friend request and messaged me to tell me how incredibly happy he was to hear from me. We had many long, hard discussions about everything that happened in the past. We have both apologized and made it clear that we have forgiven each other.


A few days ago, he told me that he still loves me and has often wondered what could have been between us had we both been a little more mature about things back then. I have done a lot of soul searching the last few days and I realize that I DO still have feelings for him.


I ran into him at his job a few days ago and seeing him hit me like a ton of bricks. He wants us to see where things go. I am married. He lives with his girlfriend.


I'm so very torn. I am firm believer in everything happens for a reason and I wonder if him being back in my life is a sign that I should take seriously.


We have both said that we need to take things slowly and see if we even like each other now. We are obviously different people and we need to learn if we like each other at all.


There is a part of me that says "An ex is an ex for a reason -- let it go" but there is a part of me that wants to see where this is supposed to go since *I* threw it all away last time.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 9:32pm
Hi not sure. I wouldn't risk stuff for what might have been if that was me. I have heard from exes and I do remember why they are exes lol. Someone actually posted a thread about that on EAS that is a great read, about lost loves. I am sure you both have been through changes and have changed, that will factor in. Again, you could lose a lot if caught etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2009
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 9:44pm

I know that he wanted to marry me "back in the day". I wasn't mature enough to handle his feelings back then. I listened to too many other people whose goal was to hurt the two of us. I didn't trust him - I trusted others instead. I know that I hurt him dearly and I'll be honest and tell you I'm surprised he'll have anything to do with me.


When we first started talking, I was worried that he was only talking to me so he could plan his revenge - to somehow get back at me. I can tell that he isn't that kind of a person (he wasn't "back then" either.. he was a very sweet, very loving guy) and that he is genuinely happy that I am back in his life.


I admit that I too have wondered at times what could have been had I not listened to people who were out to hurt us. I often wondered what would have happened had I married him - but I also believe we wouldn't have made it due to immaturity - mostly on my part.


He seems to really have his life together. He has been divorced and has two children of his own.


He has asked me to take one day at a time and to just go with the flow. Basically, to see where things go as we get to know one another again. I see a lot of the "old" him and I see a lot of new things that I seem to be attracted to (does that make sense? lol).


I'm trying to just go with the flow and not make any rash decisions about things. I need to get to know HIM again before I could make ANY decisions.


I am enjoying the fact that he's expressed his feelings for me and expressed his desire to see where things will go, but he's not forcing the sex issue. He has said that he'd like us to be together, but not before we've gotten to know one another better and have seen if we're compatible again.


I am trying to go into this without my rose colored glasses on. I'm trying to be completely open and honest with myself. I know that the ending of our relationship was ALL me (he was broken hearted) and I know I've often regretted walking away from him.


So, I'm just trying to see.....


Am I missing something? Please. Tell me if I am.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 11:51pm
If you don't mind my asking, how is your M now? Has feelings for your husband changed perhaps? That does happen, my feelings had changed 4 years ago and lead to my A. Only you can answer if you are missing something from life;). I just didn't want to see you burned or hurt. And yes it is safe to talk here, these boards are great.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2009
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 11:57pm

You'll probably be surprised to hear that my marriage is not a bad marriage. We married young and have grown and changed a lot during this marriage. He is a wonderful guy, but I'm not just not sure that the love I feel for him is enough to sustain a marriage.


Yes, I do love my husband,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 1:29am

notsure


I'm going to do my darnest to find that article on 'lost loves' because it's important as that kind of relationship comes with it's own added


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 1:42am

http://www.factsvault.com/relationships/6733.php


This article is not the one I remember (I


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 8:06am

It looks like your getting different advice, which will definitely happen here!

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 9:10am

Taking it one day at a time and seeing where it goes would be fine and dandy if you guys were SINGLE - but you're not!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2007
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 10:54am

Taking it one day at a time and seeing where it goes would be fine and dandy if you guys were SINGLE - but you're not!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2009
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 4:46pm

Perhaps I should clarify the "take one day at a time" comment.


We both know that we've grown up and changed. We've both through a lot in our lives since we broke up back in high school. We are fully aware that people change -- and not just in looks. As people grow up and experience life their views on things change.


I think he just wants us to take a day at a time and get to know one another on a friendship level first before we would possibly attempt anything more. I know that I can not jump from my comfortable life into the unknown without seeing if the unknown holds any appeal to me. (Does that make sense?).


We have both stated that if we find out that we enjoy each other's company that we'll decide where it'll go from there -- do we both leave? do we end things? etc. We aren't taking things to a physical level. Right now, it truly is getting to know one another again.


At this point, I'm not sure where it's going or even if I want to go anywhere. I know there are still feelings there, but I also know that people change and we aren't the same people we used to be. I have to know if I even like the "new" him before I could make any sort of decisions.

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