Not sure what to think...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2009
Not sure what to think...
14
Sun, 03-15-2009 - 3:47pm

I recently came across an ex of mine on a social networking site. He and I had a horrible break-up (my choice) many years ago. I am over the bad things that happened between us and added him to my friend's list in the hopes we could put everything in the past.


He accepted the friend request and messaged me to tell me how incredibly happy he was to hear from me. We had many long, hard discussions about everything that happened in the past. We have both apologized and made it clear that we have forgiven each other.


A few days ago, he told me that he still loves me and has often wondered what could have been between us had we both been a little more mature about things back then. I have done a lot of soul searching the last few days and I realize that I DO still have feelings for him.


I ran into him at his job a few days ago and seeing him hit me like a ton of bricks. He wants us to see where things go. I am married. He lives with his girlfriend.


I'm so very torn. I am firm believer in everything happens for a reason and I wonder if him being back in my life is a sign that I should take seriously.


We have both said that we need to take things slowly and see if we even like each other now. We are obviously different people and we need to learn if we like each other at all.


There is a part of me that says "An ex is an ex for a reason -- let it go" but there is a part of me that wants to see where this is supposed to go since *I* threw it all away last time.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 5:19pm

Now, I am not sure...why you would bother nuturing a relationship that could ultimately end in angst because you can't be together?...unless you intend to use it


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2009
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 7:43pm

Unfortunately, right now.. I can't answer the "why?". I know that sounds ridiculous, but I can't answer it. I have no one to talk to about this in real life -- so I am processing everything alone. It is hard because I am someone who likes to discuss my feelings/thoughts in order to help work through what I'm feeling.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 8:24pm

This then is a good place to talk it out.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2009
Mon, 03-16-2009 - 9:40pm

You aren't being pushy. Not at all. I'm very unsure of things right now.


I know that I have feelings for this person, but I also know that I don't really KNOW this person anymore (that makes a whole lotta NO sense.. and I realize that!).


I will be honest and tell you that I think he truly and honestly loves me. I think he would walk away from the person in his life in a heartbeat to be with me. I've been reading a lot of messages on this board and it seems that in a lot of cases the woman is left to wonder.. I do wonder how much of his feelings are based in the here and now vs based on the past. But, I don't wonder if he loves and cares for me -- because I know without a doubt that he does.


I walked away from him many years ago. I wasn't 100% then that it was the right thing, but I was immature and not ready for the kind of commitment he wanted from me. He wanted to marry me. He wanted to spend his life with me. He went on to marry someone else and the marriage did not last.


I'm not sure if continue to talk to him is the right way to go or not. He has clearly stated that he won't walk away from me. In some ways that scares me and in other ways, it is a comfort.


Oye.


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