Not sure where to go from here...
Find a Conversation
| Sat, 05-15-2004 - 12:58pm |
Now that I feel physically healthy again, I think the mental side needs so help. Saw MM at our kids school program the other night. Here's the scenario...I was sitting about six rows ahead of him on the opposite side. My neighbor who knows this entire story was next to me so she got the chance to see him. I got up before the show started to talk to a friend and knew that I would be in his line of vision. And I will brag just a bit here-I looked VERY nice. Still had work clothes but was as 'attractive' and still professional in looks. (Had awesome black suit on, black silk sweater, simple pearl accessories, etc.) She told me later on that nite that at home that she could see out of the corner of her eye him looking my way. She said he was moving his head around to get a view and she felt as if he was almost in some way trying to get me to see him ( although again, I was in front of him and there was NO way I wanted to be caught by him looking back at him.) The evening ended and I started to walk a little bit over his way through the crowd and then saw his W. ( who knows nothing of this). I froze and re-routed myself. I wanted to bad to make simple eye contact with him and to re-fresh 'me' in his mind. But because of W, I didn't. Got all freaked out inside.
Went to work the next day and finally opened the email from him that I have had sitting i my in -box since last Monday. It was what I thought- just a response to my email. Seemed casual in nature. As if it was coming from a friend. So, I guess that's nice. I did respond back. We'll see what happens.
Gotta run - H just came in.
So... you all know I

I am just wondering and pondering if MM still cares for me based on his small, sublte action from the nite of the school program. It was the first time he saw me in three weeks and I already had my surgery.
I wish I would have had the courage to make the effort for eye contact. I think it would have got him thinking again... Who knows...
I will see him much of this summer on tues/thurs when our kid our in a hockey clinic together. My wish is that we can still chit chat on a friendly basis at least. Once fall comes we will not cross each others path unless intentional.
LOL I used to do that same thing with MM. When we were "broken up" I used to make sure I looked my best if we had a meeting I would see him at or if I knew he was coming by my house to pick up my son(Our sons are best friends). I definitely think it helps if you are looking to reunite. In my mm's situation breaking off our relationship did nothing for his "problems" at home, so all he had done was get rid of the one thing that made him totally happy. But I think if he hadn't continued to flirt with me and I didn't tire of it ,and ask to talk about it alone, we probably wouldn't be together now. I had to say "OK we need a face to face" It got him all worried, (still not sure why) And he said "Am I in trouble?" LOL Anyway if you want to give it the ol college try... this summer just always look your best, always smile like nothing bothers you, and be friendly. My mm had a surprized look on his face when I said that I had to deal with many feelings in relation to him, one of which was that I missed him. That is when he confessed he really missed me and wanted to call me so many times during our break up. So try it if you really want to get back on the roller coaster.... if not get over it and move on... you have to think about yourself!
dd
Also, he has never asked about my health since the surgery. (I am hopefully assuming he remembered about it...) Anyhow, dr's are greatly optimistic they got 'everything' and I should be 'fine' and have beat this thing. IF my health is a factor in all of this, should I tell him that I am fine? I don't want to bring it up unless he does and I think this will scare him off again?
I don't know....