Now I'm having an affair
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Now I'm having an affair
| Sat, 11-29-2008 - 1:46pm |
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Edited 1/1/2009 6:14 am ET by complexity2000
Edited 1/1/2009 6:14 am ET by complexity2000
| Sat, 11-29-2008 - 1:46pm |
Edited 1/1/2009 6:14 am ET by complexity2000
Complexity,
Hi.
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Have you considered that perhaps you are just not cut out for monogamy?
I have used this analogy a couple times here on MAS, but I think it once again applies.
I use to be just like you. Every time that someone showed interest in me it validate my self worth. If they wanted to sleep w/ me it made me feel special, like I must be an ok person, because this guy wants to be w/ me. But the validation never lasts. It always wore off, and once again I was searching for someone to make me feel worthy.
I use the analogy of a bucket w/ a crack in the bottom. You can pour water in it, and it will stay for a little while, but eventually the water leaks out the bottom, and you have to replace it. It's an endless cycle. I call them leaky people. It sounds like you must be experiencing something similar to that. I think that the only remedy to what ales you is counseling. You have to learn how to validate yourself, and stop relying on others to do it for you. I just hope that you can resolve this issue BEFORE your boyfriend finds out about AP.
I can totally identify w/ the fact that you feel like you are older now, and don't want to keep making bad choices. I am 36 yrs. old, and I feel like I have NO time left to be making major bad choices. I think that my age was a major factor in leaving my AP, which BTW was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I am not a spring chicken anymore, and guys my age want girls in their twenties, but fortunately I am attracted to older men, and those in their 50's want girls roughly around our age. I think they know that a girl in her twenties might kill them, I know I would have LOL.
If I were you I would seriously consider removing AP from the equation. You say that you have a great relationship, AND great sex. I think that's the first time I have heard a woman on here say that she has both w/ their SO. You are blessed. Don't screw it up, and it's very likely that you will if you continue to burn the candle at both ends.
I don't know if what I have said helps you, but I really hope that you can get some counseling to help you w/ your self esteem issues. Good luck.
Edited 1/1/2009 6:15 am ET by complexity2000