Now Im on an upswing.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Now Im on an upswing.....
11
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 6:16am

Hi all


As you know Im a bit up and down with this whole thing. Its been 15mths and his guilt means he has pulled back heaps over the past few mths- and strictly no discussion about feelings and future. But he still does sweet things and I do believe he has feelings for me.


In recent weeks I havent seen him but he calls or texts every week day, but this isnt enough to quell my squirrels.


So today we had an afternoon at

You are what you consistently do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 7:55am
It's good to share the happy moments as well as the sad, anxious or squirrel producing ones! Don't know if I should be held up as a "shining example" though, LOL, I feel like I should be more of a "cautionary tale". :-)

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 9:02am

Well he was impressed! :)


Lex what do you think about the baby comment though. Heavy huh?


You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 9:17am

Yeah, very heavy. I think I stayed away from commenting on it because it troubles me somewhat - putting me in your place - I'd worry about him making such a huge decision based on ME - it would scare me to think that he made a life changing decision based on our relationship. Puts a lot of pressure on your R, in a way. I have always told my OM to make any big decisions about his life as if I am NOT a part of it - things like jobs far away, dating someone (he's single), etc. Because we have no future, at least not any hope of a real life R in the future, then I want him to make those decisions based only on what's good for HIM. And he has done that, I think (unless there are times he just doesn't tell me about). I would do the same - thinking about what's best for my family, etc., in life decisions. Actually, it's probably best that your AP doesn't have another baby anyway. He's most likely not "happy enough" in his marriage to bring another child into the family. But I would be afraid that someday he might regret the decision and blame ME for it, if he thinks he's making that choice because of our R. (Am I making any sense?)

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 9:47am

Perfect sense!


I said the exact same thing. That 'we' have no future- not really anyway.Great fantasy but reality would not be so great!

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 1:06pm
I don't know - you may have been clear enough. But maybe a reminder next time you talk that he shouldn't make any life decisions based on you would be wise - and tell him that means all life decisions. Will it stop him from blaming you at some point? I don't know - people can be pretty unfair in their thinking when they have regrets - blaming anyone but themselves for their choices. So there's nothing you can say that would guarantee he won't blame you - if he's a mature, "take responsibility for my own choices and life" kinda person you should have no worries. If he's a "blame everyone and everything else for my bad choices" kind of person, then nothing you say now will protect you later.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 6:05pm

Hi im,


You don't have to say anything about the baby remark.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 07-09-2010 - 10:22pm

Thanks all, yeah I feel better about it today.


Knowing him as I do- he takes life decisions seriously and takes full responsibility for how his life has panned out. So while our A may play a small role in some of his decisions, I really doubt he would base a decision like that on our friendship.


I think he says it to be sweet, he tries hard to be restrained. It was nice to hear him talking about our relationship in terms of years. But who knows.


Take each day as it comes and fill your life with many other wonderful things- this seems to be the advice that I have learned from you wonderful girls :)

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 12:56am
It sounds like a wonderful day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 9:50am

Yes it was a lovely afternoon.


But you know how it is, for every great moment, there are 87 crappy ones! Is it all worth it? Who knows?

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sat, 07-10-2010 - 12:10pm
Not if it's really 87 to 1! LOL!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

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