Now it begins...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Now it begins...
4
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 2:59pm
Now my long 3 months begins....Ok so just saw Ow. Our last time alone for 3 months. Im soo sad right now. It was one of the best times weve ever had. we just hung out watched tv,hugged and kissed it was a great time. I mean aside from the sex. Its just truly what i want and i cant have it. For a minute i thought about me and her lving here together, being together and i just felt so happy and pulled her close. i think she feels it too. Its just so hard now AND shes leaving for 3 months. im just soo sad im not going to see her. We promised we'd talk at least every few days but we talk every night now. its just going to be soo hard.. ive known it was going to be hard, but now that it seems so final its getting harder> and i know its just the begining. She gave me a mix tape with some of our favorite songs and i gave her something from the first place we were together. Why such joy and pain all at the same time? Why do i care so much? just questions im asking myself more than anything but really needed to vent and express my feelings. Thanks for listening
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 4:01pm
I understand how you feel. How can something seem so right and yet be so impossible? It's not an easy path to walk. I hope that the three months goes by quickly for you, and that you are able to keep in touch more often than you think.

Peace

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 5:59pm
I don't know your story with your OW, so I'm not sure why the two of you will be away for three months. For me, the only way I can make this work for me is to "disconnect" from my MM, because those first few weeks I was always checking emails, and off line messages to see if he contacted me. it was making me crazy. I told myself I wouldn't allow myself to continue to do this relationship if I didn't stop doing this to myself. So I try to keep myself busy and focus on everything other than him, because when I expect to hear from him, or assume I will be hearing from him that day and don't, it was leaving me flattened.

These A's are so hard on us, but if we can compartmentalize them, and live the rest of our lives, it makes it a little better. I have teens and they need me, they are more important than anyone, just as your child is as important than anyone.

Enjoy the good times you have with you OW, live your life to it's fullest when you are away from her. That's what she would want you to do. That is what I want my MM to do, be happy and live his life to it's fullest while we are apart...because I care about him and what good things for him.

Hang in there, and be strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 6:21pm
thanks for both your input. I appriciate it. ready for the whining to begin? as a male we dont usually talk about stuff like this, thats why im so glad to have found this board. OW will be away on work for 3 months she will even be 2 hrs behind my time making it harder to talk.And i agree my son is the most important thing to me. And i cant think about her all the time but hwo do i stop. Like i said today was the best day ever. First time we just hung out inside infront of the tv and just lounged around holding each other. Damn this is whats its supposed to be like.how did i get all caught up and trapped in this M thats going nowhere. I really doubt W would even care about the cheating..Ok well she would care and leave especially considering who the OW is. But i really feel shes not inlove with me anymore. I mean how could she not tell how i truly feel? She even asks me from time to time. I lie i admit it. I tell her i still love her. arent i horrible? i juust think shes in love with everything i give her as she is completly dependent on me. I dunno just venting again. when did this all get so hard?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 7:22pm
Big:

Glad to hear that you had the "ideal" day together. I am so happy that you and OW had a chance to spend quality time together before she leaves.

You're not horrible for just going along with your W. I think it's the sad price that you have to pay for the ability to be able to stay in your son's life...until you find that you are ready to leave...which may or may not happen. It's hard, I know.

It's a difficult thing to go through life KNOWING in your heart who your soul mate really is...and it is not the person you are married to. I can't tell you enough how your posts provide a great insight to my MM. If anything, it helps me understand what you are going through and I am able to provide you the type of support that I give my MM.

Hang in there. We are all here for you.