Now I've done it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Now I've done it...
6
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 11:14am
and I could really use some suggestions on damage control. I met MM for drinks on Friday and we exchanged V day gifts. He asked what I was doing for V day, and I said that since H had to work I had agreed to babysit for a friend. Then I asked about his plans, and he said that he and W had a date. I asked where they were going and it turned out that they were going to the exact restaurant that my mother was going to. She had asked me to join her, but I figured I wouldnn't be able to find a sitter, so I declined. However, later that night my friend called and said that they weren't going out after all, so I didn't need to watch her kids. Well, I must say that for the 18 months this A has been going on I have been so curious about MM's W, so I arranged to join my mom after all. As you might imagine, it was pretty horrible. They weren't all lovey-dovey or anything, but it just made me sick to be in the same room with the 2 of them. Yeah, yeah, I know--DUH! I don't know what I was thinking and now I totally regret it. Anyway, I haven't heard from him since and now I'm really worried that he'll think I was stalking him. I just sent an email saying that I hoped my presence didn't upset him, but I would be willing to bet that he won't be too terribly understanding. Ugghh...if anyone has any kind words or suggestions on what to do next, I'd love to hear them. Thanks a bunch!

~notso

By the way, shouldn't there be a panic emoticon?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 11:39am
Oh, huney, I think we've all been there. I would simply tell him the truth. That it was never your intent to make him uncomfortable or to put him into a tight spot. That you simply let your curiosity get the better of you and now that you've done that, it won't happen again. If you are sorry, then I would add that, too. He shouldn't get his nose too bent out of shape with that, I shouldn't think. {{HUGS}} Hard $hit to sit and watch, though, isn't it??

My SO has a two hour commute to our place of business, so I don't have an opportunity to see his g/f but I've answered the phone when she's called. She's got a beautiful, sexy voice, dammit, lol! And if I'm in his office and not fast enough leaving (to give them privacy) and I hear him talking to her, my stomach ties up in knots because he's using the same loving, caressing voice with her that he does with me.

And what I do is I tend to forget, sometimes, that we're more than friends, now, so when he mentions he did something or went somewhere, I'll press further and, of course, he has to spill that it was with her. Or worse yet, omg this happened just a few weeks ago. He's got a trick knee that used to bother him a *lot* when things were good with her. I worked for him then, we were buddies, so I always teased him that I knew when he got some good nookie by whether he was limping when he came to work. Well, his knee has been *just fine* these last nine months. Until a few weeks ago. He came hobbling in, doing his best to hide it, and I, innocently, asked if he was okay and was there anything I could do for him, lol. He got this strange look on his face, the lightbulb went on over my head and we had kind of a crappy day together. I was all moody, he was bending over backwards to make it up to me.

We're better off not letting 'reality' intrude into our time together, don't you think? Try not to think of them. For heaven's sake DON'T do that again. Let that be a private corner of his world and his heart. Enjoy what the two of you have for what it is.

Lucky

Edited 2/16/2004 11:43:02 AM ET by luckyme814


Edited 2/16/2004 11:45:32 AM ET by luckyme814

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 3:55am
Seperate the two realities is so true. We all have to even they do. You can talk about them, but one must not intrude on the other. it only causes more feelings of guilt, for all involved... Well said Lucky me.. again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 1:42pm
Curiousity gets the best of us sometimes. Did you tell him beforehand that your mom was going there? He probably is a bit ticked off at you right now, he was probably very uncomfortable all night and felt like he was in a fish bowl. I don't blame you for going though! If I didn't know my MM's W I would have done the same thing. Unfortunately, she was a friend and I've had to sit in the room and keep a straight face with my (stb ex)H and MM's W. Of course MM is wild and crazy so when they aren't looking he will grab my a$$ or do something "dangerous". But nonetheless it hurts to see them with their spouses. All you can really do right now is be honest. Just say "my mom had already planned to go there, my friend didn't need a babysitter, I didn't want to be home alone and my mom invited me along and to tell you the truth I was curious about W". He HAS to understand that! Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 3:58pm
Hi Ladies! I just wanted to thank those of you who responded and give you a bit of an update. It turns out that MM didn't even see me. On top of that, after I told him I was there, that I made eye contact with his W, and that seeing him with her made me jealous, not only was he not mad, but he even said that he would certainly be jealous as well if he ever saw me with H. Before I had a chance to reply to that, I received yet another email from him, simply stating, "If she had five seconds to look at you, I'll bet my wife thought you were strikingly beautiful". Could he be any freakin' sweeter? I replied, "Well, if you are correct in your assumption, then one thing I can say without doubt is that she has equally exquisite taste in both of the sexes;)" Ugghhhh! I am even more in love with him now than I was before. Thanks again for the support! Hugs to all,

~nutso
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 4:24pm
Hey Notso (or should I say Nutso) LOL! I'm glad everything worked out for you. *wink and kisses* Soxs
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 9:46pm

i am glad it worked out for you too!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board