Now what do you think this means...

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Now what do you think this means...
3
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 8:47am
Hey y'all, its me, with my OM's mom dying in NL. I wonder what you all make of what's now happening.. i am confused.. a bit happy, but confused... sorry, a bit naive on the OM front and hope you can help.

I wanted to stand by OM and make myself available if he needed a friend to talk to, but got nothing back, so i phoned and told him that this was over, that i choose me and that i can't let him hurt me anymore. His NC was killing me, a week nothing, then 10days,. so anyway that was the 28th and friday morning i was on msn, and suddenly he came on.asked if we were still talking, after what i decided.

I told him, yes we could talk, but what have you decided!! He said he wants nothing now, just to focus on her. I agreed,he ended it with, will we still keep in contact? I hesitated for a milli-second then said, of course!! He sent a smile..

Then monday he came on again and started off very slowly again, talking about his mom, and how bad it was. I told him i was so hurt, walking on eggshells when he's online. Dunno what i can say anymore. He said he understood. Then said something about how weird and wonderful it will be when we see eachother again. How much we have to talk about and I said, I just want to hold him, and look into his eyes and tell him it will all be okay. He liked to hear that..

Then he says he's going into a bath soon, and if i wanted to join him.. (like the old days' kind of talk). I told him, well, of course, but he needs to get here first. (from the netherlands to me in finland... ) and he said well, just be sure you get that entire week off, cause we won't be leaving the bath the whole time.. then ended it with okay sexy woman, talk to you another time, byee

Woah.. i was blown away. I have been pulling away from him too, since he has been focused (VERY UNDERSTANDABLY) on his dying mom, so this just threw me for a loop. It was as if nothing has changed from the almost 4 weeks of minimal contact and his personal chaos.

Sent him a text today about my dr's results, and he wrote back immediately with glad to hear you are okay, take care and have a nice day.. thanks for listening.. but what does it all mean... ????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 4:01pm
hi mikkolover.

it seems to me it's the old "pulling away" trick. you say it's over between the two of you and i mean it, and he immedately comes running back with the innuendo and sexy talk because MM wants you back on the hook. be careful and don't fall for it! MM's periods of NC are getting longer and he's not giving you the time of day, until suddenly he realizes you are serious about leaving/ending the R with him.

your MM wants control back. don't let him have it. YOU are in control of your life.

good luck and be strong,

gurl

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 9:33am
thanks for your advice. It goes in waves i guess. yesterday i felt desperate while at a friends house and snuck a call to him. He didn't pick up, knew it was me i am guessing, so i sent him a text message saying i was thinking about him and that i missed his voice. I got nothing back until 5 hours later, a oh you are so sweet, thanks and have a good nite.. bull.

i am annoyed and just again decided to put HIM on the back burner for now. Didnt reply to his message, and today have felt again nothing but powerful. Sometimes that feels better than any man could. I cleaned my house, that i own with a sweet man, and listened to stone temple pilots, and concrete blonde and had a great time. Going dancing with a friends tonight, leaving my phone at home, so i won't be tempted to call that loser!! Yeah me.-- i feel great thanks for listening-... i may crash again tomorrow... arg.. hope not

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 10:37am
YES!! i'm all for doing WHATEVER it takes to make you happy girl, i mean it. i can totally see you dancing around the house, cleaning to stone temple pilots!!

and dancing tonight sounds great! i'm making similar plans with my girlfriends too! my BF is leaving very early tomorrow to play golf out of state and i'm free for 6 days so i'm totally on your same wavelength. since MM knows BF will be out of town, he wants to meet up with me at least 2-3 times next week, but I HAVE PLANS and i'm not changing anything, even for MM. i will see him at least once next week, but probably not as much as he wants. i want this time to myself. AND SO SHOULD YOU!

stay powerful and focused on yourself. doesn't it feel great?! and make your MM reach you and want you -- no chasing allowed!

take care,

gurl