Oh boy...
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| Tue, 03-17-2009 - 9:53pm |
So. I've done a lot of thinking the last few days. I've read all your messages (both to me and on the board in general). I've read articles. I've soul searched.
I've come to realize that while I DO have feelings for this particular ex, I suspect that if we were to try and be together we would encounter the same issues we had in the past. There have been a couple incidents where I suspect he wasn't being 100% truthful to me (big shock, right?) and honestly, I'm not up to another situation full of lies and fabrications.
I have to find a way to tell him that I can not do this. Hurting him crushes me because I don't want to hurt him. I know his response will be "Walking away from me again, huh? You haven't changed a bit" and I suppose I deserve that. But, I just don't think this has the potential to be anything special. I don't think it's worth walking away from my entire life for -- I really don't. There are too many "holes" in the whole situation.
I hope you will allow me to stay on your board -- as I've experienced more than I've written about here and I think I can help someone out. I know I should probably move to another board,

I'm not sure that I was ever totally, 100% convinced that an A with him
Whatever his words once he hears that you are no longer willing to risk the life you have created with your previous commitment....they may smart way less that the words you'd hear if a discovery day visited upon you.
I'm happy to hear that you have rethought going down that slippery slope into an affair.
Thank you for listening.
(((hugs)))
Clarity
You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present