Oh boy......

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
Oh boy......
3
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 9:12pm
Well, I have been trying to get over AP having another AP other than me. I was devastated, hurt, betrayed, jealous. So I did exactly what I did not want to do. I found someone else. Yep. What is wrong with me?
I have gotten past my jealousy a little bit.......but not much. I am now consumed with the excitement again. Just not sure what I am thinking or my motives. It may be time for me to see a counselor.
This other man that I have been talking to.....WOW. Everything that I have always been attracted to physically and he seems very.....sweet and not full of himself for being so hot.
Well, I just needed to share since I can't share with anyone else. I am SO royally screwed up in the head.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
In reply to: jrcc06
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 9:54am

You're not screwed up, don't be so hard on yourself. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself at the moment, at least it gave you a quick boost to keep you from obsessing over you first AP. Just don't fall for this second AP and keep it light, because there is a possibility of transfering your feelings from one AP to another. But your first AP don't deserve your attention at all.

(((Hugs)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
In reply to: jrcc06
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 1:02pm

I'm not sure about AP 2 yet. He might not even be an AP2, it might just be a one time thing....but I have a feeling it won't be. THat is very good advice to not transfer feelings to AP2. AP1 is my first love and nothing can change what I feel for him. Sadly I am just trying to get past my jealous feelings. And deep, deep, deep down, I kind of hope it makes him a little jealous too. But I doubt it will.

Anyhow, It's weird. I on middle ground, almost feeling that yucky feeling(you know the yucky A feeling). But I am on a high from the new guy and a semi low from AP1.

I appreciate your words that I am not screwed up, but really, if anyone else were talking like I am now, I'd call them crazy. Most likely,lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
In reply to: jrcc06
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 9:49pm

I am trying to find a way to say this w/o putting you on the defensive, or hurting your feelings.

Well, I would definitely seek some counseling. It's not normal to be M in an A, but it's really out there to be M and two A's. I see your behavior as self destructive. How could you possibly think that having sex w/ another man would serve only to make AP1 jealous. He may have been jealous, but I'm sure that he was closer to disgusted than anything else. Despite the fact that he has done it, we all know the double standard. Whether we like it or not those are the morals embraced by our country.

What about your H? I mean if he isn't handling his business, and you feel the need for the company of another, well then that's your choice. But your acting like your single. He does not deserve to have a W that is running around w/ half the town. How devastated would he be to know not only have you cheated on him, but w/ more than one partner. While you may enjoy the high that you are on from the new guy, your actions are only hurting your self esteem in the long run. You yourself have admitted that your behavior is crazy. I would recommend losing AP2 ASAP. Go get some counseling and find out what is driving you to such self destructive behavior. Good Luck.