Oh my, never thought I could ever
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Oh my, never thought I could ever
| Mon, 01-19-2004 - 11:53pm |
Hi. I am having a tough time with something I did this weekend. I consider myself a Christian and believe very strongly in marriage. Well, I went out with a girlfriend this past weekend. I had a couple of drinks. I know that that is not very "Christian" of me. This is not something that I normally do. In fact, I am a stay at home mom. Hubby is away alot with his job. And I never go anywhere. This was the first time in a really long time. Anyway, I ran into an old boyfriend. We stood and talked for a really long time. I ended up dancing with him and kissing him. I am extremely blown away that I would do something like that. Never in a million years did I think I would do that. I have been married 8 years and have 2 children. I have never even come close to doing anything like this. I feel absoulutely awful and full of guilt. I could never tell my husband. He would be devastated. I don't know what to do. I'm scared of judgement. I am completely remorseful, and then on the other hand I find myself thinking about that kiss. I know that God will forgive me. I can't get in the right frame of mind. Satan has a stronghold on me. How could I have ever gotten myself into something like that. I have always considered myself a very morally strong person. Any advice?

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i absolutely agree with srose on this one!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
I just want to say thank you all very much for all of your thoughtful responses. I appreciate each one. Sorry I haven't responded until now. Just an update. It has been a week since the little incident and I still think about it, though not as much. I have not had any contact with the OM. My H will be home next weekend. When I said he works out of town alot, he is actually away in the military. He has been gone since August. So there isn't much I can do to change that. I agree with Free on some issues and totally understand what he means, but I will not ever tell the H. Thank you Rose for your comments, you hit it on the head. I do not EVER go out, I NEVER have adult interactions other than kids grandparents and it was a night led by alcohol and lonelyness. The other thing is, my H has done alot of horrible things behind my back, not an A that I know of, but there were alot of lies and alot of deceit. He was heavily involved in drugs. I have always been the "spiritual leader" in our family and tried relentlessly to get him involved in church. I have always preached and prayed and so on. For me to tell him this would be like a death wish. I would NEVER live it down. I would be treated like a piece of crap and I am not having it. I know that that is PRIDE, but ya know what, I have put up with a lot of crap in our marriage and I will be damned if I let this one little mistake ruin everything I have tried to build. Yes, I still think of the other guy, although it was "just a kiss". It was exciting, I felt like a teenager again!LOL It will not happen again, I will avoid the night clubs at all costs. I will put it behind me and go on my merry little way. I can't say that I regret what happened, but I know it was wrong. I'm ok. God is a forgiving God.
Thanks again everyone!
iv
Thanks for the update, GOOD LUCK to you and yours.
FREE
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