Oh my, never thought I could ever

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Oh my, never thought I could ever
14
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 11:53pm
Hi. I am having a tough time with something I did this weekend. I consider myself a Christian and believe very strongly in marriage. Well, I went out with a girlfriend this past weekend. I had a couple of drinks. I know that that is not very "Christian" of me. This is not something that I normally do. In fact, I am a stay at home mom. Hubby is away alot with his job. And I never go anywhere. This was the first time in a really long time. Anyway, I ran into an old boyfriend. We stood and talked for a really long time. I ended up dancing with him and kissing him. I am extremely blown away that I would do something like that. Never in a million years did I think I would do that. I have been married 8 years and have 2 children. I have never even come close to doing anything like this. I feel absoulutely awful and full of guilt. I could never tell my husband. He would be devastated. I don't know what to do. I'm scared of judgement. I am completely remorseful, and then on the other hand I find myself thinking about that kiss. I know that God will forgive me. I can't get in the right frame of mind. Satan has a stronghold on me. How could I have ever gotten myself into something like that. I have always considered myself a very morally strong person. Any advice?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 1:11pm

i absolutely agree with srose on this one!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 2:24pm
Ok, first of all I understand your issues but honestly it's not like you slept with the guy. We are all human, trust me I bet your H has a few secrets himself. If he travels surely he has had his share of come-ons from other women and thoughts himself. Unless you want to create jealousy and insecurity with-in your marriage DO NOT Ever Tell your H. He's going to wonder if next time you go out with a friend and meet some one from your past or that your attracted to "are you going to go further". I agree with the other girls, go to your church or therapy. Just because you kissed some guy doesn't mean that your marriage is falling apart or that your immoral. It may just mean that you're a woman and your lonely. Booze does that to all of us, male and female! Stop beating yourself up over this! I say, talk to your h, tell him you’re feeling lonely and you need more support from him. Good luck, NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Sun, 01-25-2004 - 1:42pm
Everyone,

I just want to say thank you all very much for all of your thoughtful responses. I appreciate each one. Sorry I haven't responded until now. Just an update. It has been a week since the little incident and I still think about it, though not as much. I have not had any contact with the OM. My H will be home next weekend. When I said he works out of town alot, he is actually away in the military. He has been gone since August. So there isn't much I can do to change that. I agree with Free on some issues and totally understand what he means, but I will not ever tell the H. Thank you Rose for your comments, you hit it on the head. I do not EVER go out, I NEVER have adult interactions other than kids grandparents and it was a night led by alcohol and lonelyness. The other thing is, my H has done alot of horrible things behind my back, not an A that I know of, but there were alot of lies and alot of deceit. He was heavily involved in drugs. I have always been the "spiritual leader" in our family and tried relentlessly to get him involved in church. I have always preached and prayed and so on. For me to tell him this would be like a death wish. I would NEVER live it down. I would be treated like a piece of crap and I am not having it. I know that that is PRIDE, but ya know what, I have put up with a lot of crap in our marriage and I will be damned if I let this one little mistake ruin everything I have tried to build. Yes, I still think of the other guy, although it was "just a kiss". It was exciting, I felt like a teenager again!LOL It will not happen again, I will avoid the night clubs at all costs. I will put it behind me and go on my merry little way. I can't say that I regret what happened, but I know it was wrong. I'm ok. God is a forgiving God.

Thanks again everyone!

iv

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 01-25-2004 - 3:25pm
HI IV

Thanks for the update, GOOD LUCK to you and yours.

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