Oh my...what have I done?
Find a Conversation
Oh my...what have I done?
| Tue, 12-16-2003 - 9:55am |
I'm not sure if what I just did was a good thing or a bad thing. My MM is a bit... well, chicken when it comes to this A. He gets scared pretty easily. He's the one who did the one-sided phone sex bit and then freaked out afterward. We've finally gotten back around to where we're hot and heavy again and I guess I went over the edge or something because I just pushed things WAY far along. I think I was inspired here by some of the people talking about wanting to take their A to the next level. Anyway, MM didn't have time for me yesterday; he was busy with work. So this morning, first thing, I called him. At first we're just chitchatting but then we started talking about things and I told him he was too chicken to ever do anything. He said I am too and I said, maybe not. He said, "So you'd just meet me somewhere tonight if the opportunity presented itself and H would never find out." I said, "If he'd never find out? Yes." So we keep talking and all of a sudden, it's like an epiphany. He said, "You're telling me you'd just meet me for sex every now and then, no strings attached, but stay in our marriages?" I said, "HELLO? Of course I would. What did you think I was in this for?" He said he's had no idea all this time. He thought I wanted him to leave his W for me. I said no, I've never wanted him to do that...that if he did that I'd feel really pressured to leave H and I'm not ready to do that right now. I told him I thought sexually we'd be very compatible but as H and W we'd suck. (I'm not 100% sure about that, but he didn't seem to be paying much attention to that part of the conversation anyway!) So he got all intense on me and started breathing heavy. Problem is, we're at work and...um...the evidence of our conversation is pretty loud and clear. I told him the good thing about being a woman is that I can show up for this meeting we have in a half hour and no one in the room but him will know I'm aroused. Someone came into his office and interrupted, but I'm hoping he's at the meeting (it's an optional thing) and he's thinking the entire time about me being aroused. Heck, it's thirty minutes away so I probably won't be by then... Anyway, I told him I'm so tired of all these games and the push and pull and all that and that I have no idea WHY he takes all of this so darn seriously. Why can't we just be "friends with benefits" and not make a big deal out of it? I don't know what all this is going to do to him...could be he gets really scared, but at least I've laid it all out for him. He called back a few minutes later and seemed better... He asked what it was about him that drove me crazy. How's THAT for digging for compliments? So I pretty much described, in detail, all the things I love about him. The thing is...he's not the type to just have sex with someone and not take it seriously. He'd feel incredibly guilty afterward and probably push me away for a while. He keeps saying that as long as we haven't done anything, we still have the fantasy, but it kinda pumps up the excitement a little for me to actually seriously discuss meeting. I know it's going to happen eventually, but why not talk about it a little while first? Plan it out...
Also, maybe this should be a separate topic, but he said, "You're going to make me wear a condom, aren't you?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Why?" I said, "I don't want to get pregnant and, even though I trust you, you just never really know. How do you know I am disease free?" He still insists he doesn't want to wear one, but if I insist, I know he will. He'll have no choice. I'm not crazy! I'm not going to take that risk... How did you all handle that part of it? Where on earth do you get condoms without your spouses knowing?

Edited 3/10/2004 5:01 pm ET ET by geek_chic
Oh Lilah....
Our stories are so similar. I think that what you explained to your MM about "no strings attached" I think I need to explain that to my MM. I think that's what is holding him back. DUH...I don't want him to leave his M, just like I have no plans on leaving mine. I'm trying to figure out an email to send him that he has to call me today so I can tell him just that! His email is not "private"...his wife, who is currently laid off, is doing some work with his company so they are working in the same building, different depts., but she still has access to his email. And no cell phone...Who the F(*&^ doesn't have a cell phone in this day and age! LOL.
As far as the issue of condoms....it's a no brainer. You can buy condoms without your H knowing? Storing them would be the real issue...I'd have to think about that one. Not sure where I would. I know my H doesn't go in my purse...i'm sure I would put one in a hidden compartment (or two or three ;)