ohh what have I gotten myself into ?
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| Sat, 11-15-2008 - 7:12pm |
Sorry everyone..just needed to vent for myself ...and feel the need to get it out since I have no one I can talk to or share with..Hope everyone understands..
I am having such a hard time today for some reason..Maybe its because its the weekend and as usual without it ever being said there is a NC rule ...ughh I hate the weekends!!Or maybe its a good thing it is the weekend or else I would be on the phone calling him and whining and nagging him ..lol..I hate this roller coaster ride and not being able to be in control of myself or even the situation..Why have I done this to myself ? I keep asking myself that today..over and over...Darn it..I have been involved with MM now since Aug.so going on 4 months.I am a MW and yet all I can think about is when will I see MM again...I saw him on Thrusday for an hour and very short to soon over hour and I have been missing and wanting him so badly since..UGHHH..
Why did I start this ? Maybe I should just go back to my boring ,safe ,secure ,dead life.?I don;t know what has happened to me..but since right before I got involved with AP I just feel like I woke up from a deep sleep from the last 10 years..I met Ap right when I was starting to feel all this and he with that sparkle in his eyes was right there..He never made a move on me..would just come by work office to say hello and chat and check out..But there was just something ...something about him that intrigued me,that fasincated me and before you know it ,,it was me emailing him about work related stuff and then calling him .We talked for a few weeks on the phone just chit chat and before I knew it ,I was asking him to meet up with me in person..What was I thinking?? or was I? arghhh..We met up in a very private place and sat and talked and before I could even think about it,we were kissing passionetly,.It just felt so right....For one brief minute in my head I asked myself if this is what I wanted to do..and my head and heart both answered yes yes yes...

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Hi Goddess..
Glad that you and your Ap were able to talk a bit and hope that you and he can hook up real soon..I know how hard it is the waiting and wondering and how we fight with ourselves not to be the first to call and wind up being the one who does..I always seem to cave too...
My Ap never did get to have our day get away again this week..sighhh I wonder if it will ever happen..We had our first sorta spat on Thrusday ..but seem to have worked our way out of it..I was so disappointed and upset that we just can;t seem to get together much lately..He is swamped with work and I too have been busier than usual..he keeps telling me to be patient ..but its so hard when all I want to do is spend some quailty time with him.. Maybe I should step back myself and see how long it is before he makes it happen without me bringing it up again...I wonder can I do it?
hi, just like to add my thoughts. Ive been in A for 19
"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"
Sugerandspice, no offense taken.
No offense taken by me either Sugar and Spice ..I thank you for your advise and input..and have to agree with you..I have made it to easy for him..Right now I am feeling ......I don;t know how to describe it..out of sorts I guess..I did cave today and called him at lunch time..no answer but he did call me back within a short period..had an emergency to deal with..The thing is ..he keeps saying we need some time together and he is trying to get caught up so we can have a day.for almost 2 weeks now I have been hearing this..not sure if its ever going to happen ..between his schedule and mine it has been hard..But ....I just feel like I am the one who is trying harder and right now at this moment ,I am telling myself to stop it..Step back and wait for him to contact me an for him to make the arrangements..I just get so impatient with myself and drive myself nuts..After talking with him today i just feel like i really need to do this..
My problem with myself and this A is that we have never really had to chance to really talk about what to expect or ground rules or where this will go..It just seems like it has been a whirlwind..of sorts..I mean he keeps telling me to be patient with him and it will all fall into place..
I guess at this moment I am looking for some encouragement from not only him but from my friends here..I need some words of advice to tell me not to call him..not to email him to wait it out..I am keeping myself as busy as I can...working 14-18 hour days but when there is lull at work..then I start thinking of him..ughhh
I am really really going to try my hardest not to call him any more this week and see just how long before I hear from him..His last words from him today were I will call when I can to let you know how the rest of the week looks......grrrr......
I hardly ever call my AP. Hardly ever. He has to do all the chasing. If he wants me, then he knows where to find me.
Never fails. He calls me every days at least twice, and we text back and forth daily. Today he called 4 or 5 times. Asked me out for tomorrow, and I said I'm not sure - I actually made plans with my girlfriend already.
Let them do the chasing, girls. The LOVE it. The are men. They value only what's hard to get.
(((Hugs)))
Vivacious
I 100% agree with Vivacious.
Oh Snowstorm!!
How I can so relate to everything that you have said.
Hey obxbell!
I got your email finally! Yes, AP is back, with diamond earrings as a present and his tail between his legs...I am holding my ground, actually I am leaving town for Thanksgiving and he called me like 3 times already asking who do I go with...like it's actually his business...If he is not part of my life, then he has no right to know (see how angry I am still?:)
Sorry for hijacking,
(((Hugs to all)))
Vivacious
Ah Ruled that is too bad he is so swamped at work.
Today we talked- we rarely talk, just text. It was nice but difficult because I know there will be NC until Monday b/c of the holiday. It'll be the longest without contact since it started (officially) one month ago.
Actually, it got physical a month ago TODAY, come to think of it.
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