Ok girls.....I really need someone to...
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| Wed, 09-03-2003 - 3:56pm |
AAhhhhhhh!!!!!! you guys never said this would be easy!!! LOL!!! God, the rollercoster has already started and I haven't even touched him!!! I don't know what to do. I contemplated leaving a note on his car yesterday but then my doubt hit me and I decided against it. I think I just need to go for it and worry about what happens later.
There is a bit of good news though.....he is going to be in one of my university classes this year. We're both adults going back as mature students so it'll be nice to have him there. Maybe this is fate's way of trying to get us together since both of us are too chicken to start anything!!!
What should I do? Should I wait until classes start (our first class together is next Thursday) or should I make some sort of move now? I will see him tomorrow (we both work in the same building). This has been going on for at least 6 months and it's driving me nuts!!! I generally such a confident person but I've never had to do something like this! But I know this is what I want and if I don't do it.....I'll regret it for the rest of my life.
Anyway, i just needed to talk to someone!
hugs
NSW

Have you thought through ALL the "what ifs"?
I mean, you think now that if you don't ever even try, you will regret it. Ok.
But is there any other "what if" out there that you might regret more?
Like, what if...
- your H found out?
- your coworkers/boss found out?
- after one kiss/one lovemaking session, he felt too guilty to continue
- after one kiss/one lovemaking session YOU felt too guilty to continue
- after several times together, he wants you to leave your M
- after several times together, you want to leave your M
- after one session, he wants to continue but he's lousy in bed, and you don't (come on, it could happen!)
Seriously, have you thought through all the potential repurcussions and decided you could live with those, too?
Not trying to dissuade you. Just want to make sure when you make a decision to do something, even if you know in the end it will land you in a world of hurt, you do so KNOWING what you're facing and willing to do that. Even 'dumb' decisions can be informed ones! Do what you want, but do it with knowledge.
Good luck.
lily
Thank you so much for your concern, but it is something that I am ready for. I am not ready to stay in a marriage where I'm unhappy just because I'm afraid of what people will think.
hugs
NSW
If you do feel compelled to talk to him about this I would definitely wait until you are in class together. If you pursue this and he "gives in" and then feels guilty about it you may lose your relationship altogether. I think you need to give it a little more time and see if he is willing to take the risks that you are.
With my A, I was the one being "gently pursued" for a while..nothing overt, but I got the definite impression that the OM was interested. One day literally overnight I woke up and realized I wanted him too. If he had been more persistent or direct earlier, I never would have let him in my life the way he is now. I had to be ready.
HUGS to you and good luck, please keep us posted!
take care,
lily
You are getting good advice. As far as tactics
of the approach go, I prefer something more subtle.
I too do not like rejection. It sounds like the
approach you are working on is an all or nothing
moment though. This has never worked well for me.
Your goal is to judge the receptiveness of someone
to you without actually asking outright or scaring
them. The following is from a male perspective, but
should work for you too.
Try first to be alone with your target. It is
a subtle show-stopper if you cannot seem to arrange
this with them, for whatever reason. There are lots
of innocent places and excuses for being alone together.
An innocent touch, briefly taken, on some impersonal
body part (an arm is good), will escalate the tension.
Use it to emphasize an innocent conversational point.
Pay close attention to their reaction. Give them time
and if they return the touch, proceed. Anything else,
proceed with extreme caution. This works well for
women and is usually a very natural gesture.
If this all works, try a little pressure on their
personal body space. Get a little closer to them than
you normally would. If they don't allow you to even
get close, or if they become uncomfortable, or back
up to re-establish a comfortable distance, back off.
You might try entering his intimate body zone (within a
foot or so of his face), even if only briefly. This will
tell you very quickly how receptive they are to you. Back
away and watch their reaction closely.
He will probably make the first move if you get this
far. If not, some close eye contact should tell you
all you need to know about proceeding. Some men really
like agressive women, but some do not too.
You may want to go through these steps on multiple
occasions, going a little deeper each time, if you
have the time.
You can accomplish a lot with strategy and a little
body language, never have to say a word, and never
really risk significant rejection. Even when I am turned
down, and that is rare if I am paying attention, most
people are flattered at the attempt. Just be sure to
give them plenty of opportunity to avoid your approach.
If they do so, respect their wishes. No words of
appology are usually necessary, there is sufficient
ambiguity to cover that.
It helps to have an exit strategy planned with a light
hearted comment to soften the mood, just in case things
go very sour.
Just my opinion here. Good luck!
ditr
Edited 9/4/2003 2:57:22 PM ET by charlotte1203
Edited 6/1/2004 10:53 pm ET ET by charlotte1203