Ok, I admit it.
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| Sat, 05-08-2004 - 10:51pm |
Last night was an off night though. Of course MM and I are really secret. No one knows except my best friend and my sister. Last night we went to the bar like usual. Someone else came up that usually doesn't. I knew that her and MM were pretty close before he left our building. The way she was acting really bothered me. I am usually not a jealous type at all. I don't let little things bother me. But last night it really did. I think there were alot of factors; PMS, I was extremely tired, the fact that we are so secret, and just uncertainty of where I stand in his life. It got to me. She was all over him, making sure she stood between us. Very flirtatious. It kinda pissed me off. Then to add things, my friend D comes up to me and says that this girl and MM had something going on for a while last year, that she doesn't really think it has ended. But all he is after is a POA.After that comment, I calmly excused myself from the group. And went to stand outside for a little bit. I came back and everything was ok for the rest of the night.
I text messaged him last night and told him what D had said. He asked if that was why I was so quiet. He says that nothing ever happened between him and her. I told him that it wasnt any of my business. His past is his past, just like mine is mine. We ended up talking about it again this morning before I went to work. We talked about so much. The many times he tried to make a move. The second I realized I had feelings for him. How I feel when I am around him. The way our first kiss still makes my heart race, and knees go weak. He told me that he feels like he is holding me back, because of what he can't give me. I told him to only worry about what he can give me. That it was all that mattered to me. He makes me feel like I can do anything, that I am the only one that matters. For the last 4 years I have been made like I was not good enough. He makes me look beyond that. I just can't believe how he makes me feel. I haven't felt like this in at least 4 years.
Ok I am done, I just needed to get that off my chest since I can't share it with all of my friends here at home.
