Ok, I am thinking......

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
Ok, I am thinking......
4
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 1:11am
There is a guy at work I am very attracted to. And I am almost postive he is attracted to me. The problem: I have a husband (11 years). I love him, but not attracted to him. Do you know what I mean? My kids love him. Especially my daughter. So can't divorce him. We get along great, but when it comes to sex and that intimate stuff, I could do without. How can it be I am married, but so attracted to someone else? I know he is just waiting for me to say the go ahead. I know he would and I want to. I want him. We have kissed, but that is it. I want further, but don't want to hurt the kids. I don't mind about us(me and husband), but I want to be with 'Nick' (not real name) so bad!!! I know he does too. He has a girlfriend who lives with him, but that;s all. He says: "She lives there" He knows she is not the one to spend the rest of his life with. I am the one, but I am married to a guy who believes in forever. What can I do. I want Nick, but I am stuck with Kenny. I am good friends and he will be good for me, but how do you go for the rest of your life without knowing unbelievable happiness for yoursself, even if it is only for a while?

What and how do you decide to go further. Should I be the one who sets the pace. I thing that is what he is waiting for. The other night at work he seemed to be trying to see if I would be the one to suggest to go further. I know it's up to me, but I was hoping he would let me know he wants me. But I know he is waiting for me to let him know that I want this to be. What do you all think???

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 2:03am
Hi Misfit

I think you should think long and hard about what your getting into.

Read a lot of posts here and at the endings boards.

Your going to learn that almost all EMA end and most end badly with lots of pain for all concerned, do not expect to much from an EMA because you are unlikely to get it.

The men involved all most never leave there S/O for there AP. Only 2.5 percent of people that do leave there M for the AP last more then 1 year.

Take care how much you believe of what Nick tells you about his live in G/F or his true feelings for you what he says will be colored by what he wants from you.

If you get into this expect lots of pain and a very rough ride, you have to have a very level head and a lot of emotional maturity to handle, if you are found out you will be ripping the hearts out of everyone.

Can your husband shape up or do anything to make himself more attractive to you, have you told him whats wrong with him?

Think long and hard is it worth it Y/N

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 7:27pm
Free is right, you should try everything you can with your H before you decide to take this further. I have problems with my H, and begging, crying, pleading did nothing. And he refused to attend counselling with me.

If there's anyway you can tell him how you feel and try to work it out, you should try and do that.

And if all else fails, then there's the OM ...

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 12:16pm
Been there Done that! In same emtional state with my Hubby.

I've had 3 EMA's. They all ended ok, but let me tell you something.... for me it just has made the sexual aspect of my marriage worse. The 3 men I was with, I had intense physical attraction for.

Please be careful what you get into. It really can make you home life worse even if your husband never finds out. Plus if you get into an emotional relationship with OM...it will just end up tearing you to shreds.

Good Luck

K

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 12:24pm
You wrote....."The problem: I have a husband (11 years). I love him, but not attracted to him. Do you know what I mean? My kids love him. Especially my daughter. So can't divorce him. We get along great, but when it comes to sex and that intimate stuff, I could do without. How can it be I am married, but so attracted to someone else?"

I know EXACTLY how you feel. It does happen. Let this guy know what you want. Life is too short to not experience true happiness , just be very careful and try to not let your emotions get the better of you. The rest is up to you.

Mama