Ok, I"m bored out of my mind today.

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Ok, I"m bored out of my mind today.
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Fri, 10-10-2003 - 11:45am
So I thought I'd ramble on a bit, I hope you Goddesses don't mind! Ok, I'm 44 and my MM will be 54 next month. We’ve been friends for about 5 years and at this for about a year. MM along with his W, my H and me run in the same social circle:):) It's funny, it all started with a joke that I sent out to my distribution list via email. It's weird; I never thought that I would be doing this. I’ve been married for 11 years. My H is truly a wonderful person, just not interested in sex. We've had this problem for many years and I thought of having an affair many times but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Well, I finally took the plunge! Oh and I'm glad I did! MM and I have become even better friends. There is not a day that goes by that we don't at least talk. I read some of the post on this board and I feel for some of you, that are having a difficult time with you're EMA's. I have no idea why, but I feel the need to say this to my fellow women of this board. We all make decisions in our lives, some of them are good and some are not. When we embark on something such as an EMA, we are automatically putting ourselves at risk of heartache. I think that's it's very important to keep things in perspective. In all relationships the up most importance is Respect! If you can't have respect for one another and their responsibilities to the other aspects of their lives it's not going to turn out good. I treat this as a friendship more than anything. It doesn’t happen very often but if MM says he's going to call and doesn't I don't get my panties in all bunched up. Now, as far as these men that don't contact you for weeks or even months. I think their scum! Everyone has a few minutes to pick up a phone. Don't let them tell you how much they love you and their going to leave their wives. Trust me their after one thing! Men, I think more than woman will tell you what ever you want to hear. Why do women constantly put our hearts at risk? Relationships (no matter what kind) shouldn't hurt. Once my MM said something the bothered me. Me being the direct person that I am told him about it right away and let him know I wasn't going to take that crap. He apologized and it's never happened again. I guess what I’m trying to say is be honest with them. If you don't like what's happening tell them. If they don't like it Screw’EM. You know, I’m really sorry! I didn't mean to get on my soapbox just some observations I’ve noticed by reading some of the post lately. I truly do wish you all the luck in the world. NMR

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 12:07pm
hey nmr -- are you my long-lost twin sister? even the part about being social with MM and his W is my story too. and joking around started the entire A. too funny and entirely so much alike!

girl i agree with EVERYTHING you said in your post. communication and respect are the two most IMPORTANT tools in any relationship, but especially one in which Trust is iffy. and i only say that because of the nature of an A/EMA. i do trust my MM -- between being with me and his W and his job, he's lucky he gets any time to eat and sleep. but even if he was not accountable for his time, i would trust him because what we have together is wonderful, fun, loving and most especially, easy and simple. no drama! he and i are never confused about where we stand -- we just know from each other's actions.

my MM has done the same thing, said something that was totally whacked and i called him on it. he apologized and promised to always try to "talk" about any issue, not throw blame or jealousy around first.

some of the A/EMAs on this board are totally different than ours - love affairs with promises that may or may not be kept. unfortunately the statistics are not favorable in the "positive" direction for happily-ever-after outcomes. but who knows, some may work out!

i love my MM and respect his primary life/M, as he does mine. but we spend as much time together as possible and hopefully can for a long, long time.

anyway just wanted to say your muse spoke directly to me. and thank you for that! i'm bored too!!

have a great weekend everyone,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 12:13pm
I totally agree w/you NMR. I find that I've been telling MM what bothers me after I've thought about for a minute. I had to tell him how I was feeling yesterday about me avoiding him. When I left work yesterday, I just jetted and didn't try to give him a proper goodbye. But once I got on the road I called him to tell him what was bothering me.

I told him that I felt we were being unfair to our families and how I wished he could adore and cherish his wife the way he wants to. He's no longer attracted to her but he does have a deep love for her. I can understand that. And I know they're going through a difficult time right now and I seem to be a distraction/shoulder to cry on for now. But I had to tell him that I want him to have a happy home life and his involvement with me could be a deterrant for that happening. MM had the nerve to tell me I felt that way because I'm a "decent" person. Sh*t, if I was so decent, I NEVER would have let it get this far.

gotta run, will post more later

take care

Laugh Smiles

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 12:35pm
To my Twin, LOL! I really liked what you said about no drama and about no being confused about where we stand. Even though we are very careful not to throw up any red flags about us. My only fear in this whole thing is that if his W caught us because she would kick my ass! I adore her, she is an outstanding woman. She's been to my home for dinner and I to her's. I would never want to hurt her. MM and I kid about what we would do if one of us died while doing the deed in our little hotel. He says he would put my clothes on me and drag me into the hallway. I promised I would do the same, except He's too big I'd have to leave him there. There's no way I could drag his butt anywhere! LOL!!! NRM I"m waiting on noon time, driving to Vegas today!
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Registered: 05-21-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 12:45pm
The term "Love Affair" seems so appropriate in some situations. My MM is also a great guy. He's never brought me one minute of heartache. He's there for me unconditionally. I could only wish that my H made me feel the ame way.
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 12:53pm
oh my god, i just made plans to go to vegas over the new year's holiday! that is too damn funny girl. have a great time!!

it's so funny that you refer to talking about dying while doing the deed because MM and i just talked about that same situation last week. know what he said, he wants to die in my arms, with a smile on his face. i was floored!

i'm with you, nmr, i DO NOT want his W or my BF to ever find out about this -- it would kill them both. but i can't give him up. i want to be selfish in this one area and so does MM. i keep asking him if he's tired of the lying and sneaking around, he always says we're not lying and sneaking around because no one knows that we are seeing each other so there's no lying and sneaking involved. talk about justification!

oh well, all this talk about MM and now i'm missing him and he's only been gone for 6 hours!

see ya,

gurl

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Registered: 07-27-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 12:56pm
deleted


Edited 6/1/2004 10:50 pm ET ET by charlotte1203

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 1:08pm
I like these kinds of posts, inspiration and ones that make you stop and think and most importantly appreciate.

MM and I always joke around that we are like eachothers other spiritual half. Our friendship comes first and he has been more of a friend to me than anyone I have ever known. Somehow I don't know how he does it :) This A brings me a lot of joy, and ok sometimes heartache, but the joy it brings far outweighs the negative. And thats the important part of it all.

Like you charlotte, I in no way am looking for an out of my marriage, but I was looking for an out for me. Does that make sense? I wanted to feel that mutual understanding and compassion and most importantly respect, oh and the passion is good too.

He just left and I won't speak to him until tuesday, thats hard, but I accept that as he accepts when I am AWOL.

Thank NMR for starting this thread.

Sweettendencies

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 1:13pm
LOL, I don't worry about it killing them as I am about them killing me and him! Well, my MM is a single man this weekend! His wife is going out of town with her girlfriends and I'm taking the vegas drive to see my girfriend. Have you ever been to Vegas? Are you close enough to drive or do you have to fly? If you've never been, you have to make reservations at Delmonico's, it's in the Venetian.They make the most wonderful StoiliRazzberry Cosmopolotian. OH and the food is great too. I think I may just have to have one this Saturday night:) NMR
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 1:14pm
secret, that's exactly the way i feel about my MM vs. my BF. MM is always there for me, can't do enough. MM actually rescued me on 9/11 and got me out of the city while under attack, so i have quite an attachment to him just for that. MM is the only man i truly trust with my entire self. MM puts himself out for me in lots of ways.

my BF has been pretty selfish throughout our R and done whatever he wanted to in life. and i let him. but, recently some of his behaviors have changed because i became fed up with BF's behavior last winter and we were seriously close to breaking up after 10 years together. BF finally realized how hurt and upset and SERIOUS i was about ending our R and after figuring out he was much better off with me, decided to really talk about and work out some issues and because of that effort, our R has greatly improved.

however, i'm so attached to MM physically and emotionally that i cannot conceive of not having him in my life. MM says he feels the same way. i was actually going to write that it's too little, too late for my R with BF. i'm still on the fence about BF. think it's because i have MM in my life? hmmmm.....

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 1:15pm
"I was looking for an out for me. Does that make sense?"

...It makes perfect sense. That's exactly how I felt/feel! I just didn't think about how the "out" could so easily turn into such an emotional thing. Was I naive or what?!!

Oh, and the passion is addictive!!

Charlotte



 

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