ok- this is it
Find a Conversation
ok- this is it
| Wed, 11-12-2003 - 2:53pm |
I think I'm going to leave my H for OMM. He's pretty much decided to end his marriage. He doesn't love his W, has been unhappy for long long time. Has told her he is only with her for the kids. I know he is ready to end it because of me. I've told him I can't promise him anything. But now I realize I'm emotionally gearing up to divorce my H. I'm feeling crazy and panicky and I have no one else to talk to about this so I'm venting here, I'm sorry. But I just realized that I'm really going to do it. I'm going to leave my H for another man. His wife knows- she doesn't have concrete proof, but she knows. We both have kids. He's 10 years older. Am I crazy- completely nuts?? But I think it has just dawned on me I can't live like this any more. I love my husband, but I'm in love with OM. I have tried so hard to make things right between me and H- I have pushed and worked- I'm the one who has always made the sacrifices. And I think I'm just tired of always sacrificing myself because that's what marriage is supposed to be right? I just don't know. I feel like I'm going to throw up. Every time I try to end it with OM I can't do it. I can't stand the thought of him not in my life. I can't stand the thought of not talking to him every single day. I'm sick of trying to live this double life. God help me what do i do??

i did want to see another man, but couldn't bring myself to do it as long as i was married. so i bit the bullet and made arrangements to leave. i wasn't sleeping with my H, physically and sexually. the evening of the mini breakdown, i sent my three children to my neighbor's house to stay over and had it out with H. told him i didn't love him anymore, nothing in common except the children and the bills (all this after almost 20 years together!!). i didn't want to be with him, but didn't want to cheat on him, just wanted out!
after going around and around for hours, he finally admitted he wasn't in love with me either, but wouldn't leave the children or our house ever, so we finally agreed for me to go. i stayed with a girlfriend about 5 minutes away and was there every morning to get the children up and off to daycare and school. had them practically every weekend too. but after 6-8 weeks, H finally gave up trying to take care of them, the house, their activities, bedtime stories, etc. and his job, which was 12 hours+ daily and on-call hours too.
so H moved out of the house and i moved back in until we sold the house and i bought my own house closer to my family, got a better full-time job, and never looked back!!
don't get me wrong, it was hell for the first two months, coming and going to the house to be with the kids and taking care of them long-distance and then for another four months to split up the stuff and sell the house, but when the kids and i finally settled down on the new house, life was good! and i felt sooo much better, like the world had been lifted OFF my shoulders when all was said and done.
so my advice is -- no, it won't be simple or easy, but life never is, is it?! don't end your M for another man. move out on your own for awhile and see how you like being single. date your OM. let him woo you, wine and dine you. MOVE TOWARD YOUR FUTURE for YOU!! one day at a time! and great, good luck to you too.
gurl