Ok... question... why doesnt FWB work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Ok... question... why doesnt FWB work?
8
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 12:02am

Hi all


As you know I am struggling in my A (18mths) mainly because he used to say loving wonderful things but no longer does (due to guilt) and also his business has changed and he is now very busy. He still initiates contact though, takes me out to lunch, arranges and pays for hotels etc- so I dont doubt his interest/feelings- but I am certainly not as happy these days.


So my question is- why cant I just lighten the $#&* up?


Why cant I, and many of us who are questioning things and wrestle with squirrels, just say to ourselves 'hey he likes me, we have fun sometimes, we have a laugh- thats all this is - and its enough'.


Personally I know that I may answer this question by saying- I want more! But honestly I cant possibly really want more! I wont leave my H, I think AP would be a crappy partner, I wont upset my family- so the 'more' may be sweet and mushy- but its unrealistic- so why would I want it?


Anyway Id love your responses...


Iggyxxx


You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 12:18am

Good question!


I think the answer is biology.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 12:48am

Janey- the GURU


Fair dinkum that was a great response!!!! Loved it. My needy monster and my inner Grogette are causing the neediness- I see that!


I actually think I should find Grog- that whole loinskin mental picture

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 1:28am
it doesn't work b/c the man only really wants the hot available sex and women think they really have a friendship, and then when the man stops acting like "a friend" well, the whole deal becomes convoluted and messy. it is a very difficult balance to strike, to find someone on the exact same page with you and where u are at emotionally. there has to be some agreement as to what you are both seeking, how u both will end stuff, and what you will or will not be doing together in the future. all women want that ideal scenario of the perfect relationship, and to have found it (or the potential of it) and to not be able to grab it with
when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 9:14am

I love the "grog" story! I read somewhere (never can remember exactly where) that infidelity is in the DNA of some people exactly because of what you brought up. A woman in the cave man days who had a mate and another secret (or not so secret depending on the social structure) mate had more "resources". She got more food, was better provided for and her children survived more often than the woman who had only one, or no, mate. According to this thing I read, our DNA propels us to have more than one mate sometimes for this reason.

Of course, we are not blind slaves to our DNA and we could act differently. But it's just another little tidbit of useless information that my brain carries LOL.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 8:31pm

I love your brain Lexi- you'd be a great Trivia Game partner :)


Actually Im reading a book about human actions and basically everything we do now harks back to our neanderthal days on the savannah:) We choose partners based on smell and pheromones, our need to be included with friends and colleagues also goes back to our need to be in with the village for survival.


Its all interesting stuff and shows how much our social boundaries are actually counter-intuitive to our physiological default settings :)


oooh deep

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 08-30-2010 - 3:47am

Sounds like a very interesting book!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Mon, 08-30-2010 - 4:23am

Hahah throw your Grogs my way! I like 'em manly and hairy :)


I'll get that name of the book for you sweetheart- basically it says that as with all primates and indeed mammals- our purpose in life is to breed. Thats it! Now obviously we make choices (including not to breed) but the scientists pose that we havent evolved much at all in 40,000 years. Our brains and the invention of machines and computers has taken us exponentially beyond Grog- but physiologically we are his twin!

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 08-30-2010 - 1:36pm

Jane and lexi both had excellent theories (love the grog story!).

anotherseyes