Ok, so, I just can't stay away from here

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Ok, so, I just can't stay away from here
2
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 2:04pm
I know I said I was leaving under the assumption that my unfulfilled affair would just never happen. After having OM tell me (via email) that we couldn't talk, then 2 days later tell me (in person) that we can talk and be friends (which is all we ever were), then 3 days after that totally ignore me to my face (he stood 2 inches from me and didn't say a word). Then he never responded to an email I sent him that same day (which has now been 5 days). So I called it quits on him and our "friendship" because I hate games unless there are well defined rules. (we never even had an A.....just flirted.). Well, as chance would have it, I ran into him today and he acted like nothing ever happened again. He chatted it up with me and was fine. He's driving me crazy!!!!! Why is he doing this? I'm so pissed at myself for not standing up to him and saying "hey, what's up? why are you talking to me? What the hell is going on with you?". So, again, I sent him an email asking him what is going on. Now, I'm just waiting for a response. He told me that he ran into my manager at the bar on Saturday night...she knows all about how I feel about him and everything that's been going on. I'm wondering if she said something. I won't see her again until Thursday.

AHHHHHH!!!!!!! Roller coaster......I'm back!!! I hate allowing myself to be controlled like this by someone! The bad thing is, I really do care for him. He really is a nice guy and I would love to be able to sit and tell him all of how I feel. This is nuts!! I feel so out of control.....and I like to have control.

Oh well, just needed to vent! If anyone has the secrets of a man's mind....please let me know! I would really like to figure out what is going on and how to handle this. Should I just go with the flow of it? Talk to him if he talks to me, ignore him when he ignores me?

"Blue"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
You're the one who was in a class with your OM, right? I believe I mentioned at the time that maybe he just didn't feel comfortable talking to you in front of everyone. Maybe he felt like someone might be watching. Or (this is new) maybe he just needed a little extra time to sort things out in his mind. You're right -- men are hard to read. Just when I think I have everything figured out, it changes on a dime. And a major thing I've learned in this A is that nothing is ever permanent. He may be telling me he's madly in love with me today, but then tomorrow he's saying we'll never be together and it's hopeless, so why not just be friends who happen to be in love? And conversely, he may be acting one day like he doesn't think of me as more than a friend and then the next he's saying he can't seem to get enough of me. I can't blame him for his roller-coaster emotions because I have the same ups and downs. We're quick to say that these men drive us crazy, but when the guilt starts wearing on us, don't we play the same games? We may communicate whereas they avoid, but still we run them through the wringer with our mood swings, don't we?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Blue! I can so relate, although my MM and I have crossed the line (9 mos. ago) and that's all I've dealt with since. Sometimes he's hot on my trail, other times, not so much. Then I back off, and he's back on. I don't get it. I don't know how they do it. Well, I just did the same thing with the email and phone and got zero response. I passed him yesterday and this morning and all I got was a hello. I don't know if he would've stopped to talk if we were alone (I doubt it). I'm figuring out that this is just the way these things go, and I have to decide how far I'll let it go and what I can tolerate. I've said I was stepping off the roller coaster too and found myself right back on going full speed. It's nuts and I have NO idea why we do it.

I have some reflecting to do.