Okay I'm cheating...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Okay I'm cheating...
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 2:18pm
Let's try this again...

I'm 35 been married since I was 18 and have 3 kids

(15,12,9). Our 17th anniv. is coming up and about a year ago, I had my first affair. Ive had one more since then and it started about 2 months ago.

When I got amrried I was a virgin. My husband is a good man and an excelent father. He's a great husband too. But I am not happy with him. We're 11 years apart and I feel I have out grown him since I was so young when we got married. I'm a pretty religios person and I know that what I'm doing is wrong but I love it!

The first affair was more intense than this one. It started with this guy who I'd been flirting with mutually for a couple of years. He was also married and finally told me that he had a crush on me. I loved hearing that I was attractive to someone else. At first it was curiousity but almost immediately, even before we had sex, he told me that he loved me. we actually only had sexual intercourse one time but we "messed around" quite often. I eventually told him that I loved him too. We kept our affair going for several months until we moved away. This was the first affair for both of us and neither of us felt guilty. Almost like there was nothing wrong with it. we still stay in touch occaisionally, but it is definately over. After that I met another guy and again innocent flirting led to a kiss which eventually led to more. We had sexual intercourse only once so far but I think it will happen again as soon as we get another chance. He is also married but his wife is living elsewhere (long story here). They aren't separated or getting a divorce or anything like that. Anyway. he really turns me on, it isnt a love relationship at all like the first one. This is purely lust, I know that. I don't want a divorce but mainly it's becuz I dont want to break up my family. I cant see me with either of these guys forever and I love having affairs. His wife will definately NOT find out but my husband could. I know he'd be devastated but I'm really trying to be careful and discreet. Can I keep this up? I don't feel guilty but I am scared of being found out.

any advice would be helpful.

thanks