Ok,I admit its not so easy!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Ok,I admit its not so easy!!!!
2
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 9:22am
Ok,so I thought things would be soooo easy but guess what?Its not.For an update to those of you have never read my post.I was having an affair that was ongoing for about 7 months now.I had had a rude awakening from GOD telling me that I needed to work on my marriage and forget my affair.So I did just that,I called my A left him a voice mail about a week and half ago,telling him I had to end everything and goodbye.A week later exactly he calls me on my cell phone and of course I answered it.To my surprise he was saying things like I can't believe you would do that to me and now you are up and moving(we put our home up for sale)He seen the sign in my yard).I had hoped we would get a place together.He never really said that before??!!!

Then over the weekend which was 2 days later he calls me on my cell again on a Sunday for peat sake which he has NEVER EVER done on a weekend,Sunday)I was on my lunch break and thinking about him which was really freaky!!Saying he misses me and wants to see me.I admitted I missed him too and I was so confused.He said he understood.I asked him had he been on any dates?He is single by the way.He says no I wasn't even seeing anyone when we were seeing eachother.

My goodness I think he is as confused as I am.Out of all the men in the world I would have thought a single man would take the goodbye thing as a take a hike thing and he would but instead its like it made him more needy or something.

I don't really know what I am needing here,I guess just to vent,and maybe even some input on what you people think is going on here.I question all this constantly does he love me?Really want me?Knowing I have 2 kids to his none?Does he really miss me?Its all so confusing.I will admit the day I called him to let him know I had to stop seeing him I cried for an hour and ever since I think of him every second of every day.

This whole thing is such a mess!Its like do you stand your ground and never see this person again?Or do you take that jump again because you miss them so much?

I know to alot of you its just sex,but for me I have past all that,don't get me wrong that sex thing is GREAT too but its so much more,he's like my best friend,a shoulder to lean on and so much more.I feel lost without him.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

The only thing I really can do I guess is take one day at a time and hope for the best.

I look forward to any and all replies to this post!

Has anyone else felt all this before?

Dimples

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 9:34am
Dimples,

Stand your ground. I am selling my house too and moving (and happy that MM and Philly will be a far away memory) and like you believe in a bigger power and have stopped faltering and have stopped thinking about what ifs. So far life is much much better. Work on your marriage and if doesn’t have hopes then leave. Don’t live a double life.

Be strong!

PG

PS. I will tell you a funny thing since you are religious. I saw that movie Passion of the Christ. Now whenever I lust in my mind after somebody other than my husband, automatically I get those thoughts of that creepy androgynous looking devil with the cloak (who was roaming among people in the movie and could not be seen by anybody except the Jesus character). That’s a big stopper for my thought process:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 11:20am
dimples...yes I know exactly what you are going through. My OM was single too. Just Saturday I had to say goodbye to him so I could work on my marriage.

I think you need to really think. Are you happy with H? Really content? What was it about OM that drew you to him? What is it that is missing from your M?

My H and I had a real breakthrough yesterday...and now I feel like it will be a slow process, and I miss OM terribly, but I know that H and I can work on it. We are both willing to give it our all...we even have ground rules about it...LOL...

But see, I told H that I cheated on him. I didn't tell him the whole story (as you can read if you check my post from yesterday) but he had a real wake up call from that. I'm not suggesting you come clean with your H, but you need to be able to just be around him, and be comfortable and free.