OM and I had long talk....oh dear
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| Mon, 03-08-2004 - 9:21am |
I know that right now I'm not being fair to H. But as I've stated before I'm also afraid to leave. I'm trying to get at the heart of my fear. I love OM and I care about my H. I know both men love me very much.
Anyway, I think my H knows something is going on, but doesn't want to face it. Because when he asked where I was all night I said shopping. (I had gone during my lunch break and quickly bought several shirts and some other household items.) H works 2nd shift, and he called my cell phone (which I shut off) and I told him the battery was almost dead. When I said shopping, he asked where, and I told him Wal-mart and a little specialty women's store. He said for 6 hours??? And I said Yeah. I figured I was totally busted. And then H said...OK. OK??? I mean PUHLEASE... He has to know. So then Saturday and Sunday H was like...do you know how much I love you? And just really laying it on thick. I HATE THIS!!
Is anyone going through this?? ANYONE?? I'm afraid I'm going to lose it...

I guess my advice to you would be to take some time apart from both men if you can and really analyze your situation. They both love you, you know this. Your feelings for them seem different right now because one situation is newer and more intense. But I guess I think you need to be careful and analyze what is missing in your M. Is it communication? Affection? Passion? Love? These are all different answers with different ramifications. Marital counseling is also something you should do. If you don't think you can face up to the affair or want it to continue, then at least tell your H you're not happy and you'd like him to go to counseling to work on some things. Hopefully he'll comply. From there you can make a more sound decision on what to do.
Good luck with everything and make sure to take care of you throughout this. Nothing could be more stressful than the end of a M, assuming that is the path this takes. Even if it is the right thing, at times you'll doubt yourself. But if you make the decision from the right place after counseling and careful thought, you can believe in what you're doing.
When I started going to counseling H and I were fighting a lot about finances, and I finally told him he had to make more money (it's complicated but I was the sole breadwinner in our marriage for a long time, and you can't live very well when your H only makes $6 an hour.) Well, he did. He found a better paying job. Then I complained about our living arrangements. (we were living in a mobile home, and no offense to anyone, but I really DID NOT LIKE THAT STATUS THAT REPRESENTS) so we sold it, and are now in the process of finding a house. (But then I don't want to get financially strapped with a house if I'm going to leave, so I've been dragging my feet.)
I know it's like I have to crap or get off the pot. I'm very wishy-washy. And in my own words...i don't have the heart to hurt H. oh well. thanks for listening. Maybe what i'm looking for is validation. I don't know...
I think you should take some time and make your decision. You're right though, you don't want to get involved in buying a house at this point. If you leave though, I still don't think it would be wise to jump right into too serious of a R with your OM. Try to proceed slowly. Again, I wish you luck as I know you have many difficult discussions and decisions ahead. Keep your chin up and stick to your guns.
bad kitty, i agree with omaha.
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
because it's changing your entire life for the unknown!!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
I guess what I'm trying to say is you can't wait for him to want you to leave or keep hoping he'll leave you. If you no longer want to be married to this man, it is time to start the process. Whether that is sitting down and talking with him or just packing and moving, that is up to you. Odds are he'll have a renewed desire to go to counseling and do everything he can to save the marriage. A sense of desperation will factor in. So ultimately you're going to have to be strong. Believe me, I know this isn't easy. But if you believe in what you're doing, it is what you'll have to do. I just don't think your H will just go along.
Good luck and take care.