OM complaining about Fiancee' ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
OM complaining about Fiancee' ???
6
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 7:55pm
Yesterday, I had the rare opportunity to talk to OM on the weekend. However, he spent most of the time complaining about his fiance'. Not sure how to respond, I listened. First and foremost I try to be a friend to OM, and be supportive of him in any way I can. He went on and on about something she did that upset him. I tried to stay neutral, and did a lot of "Um hum-ing" as he was telling the story. I wasn't sure if he was looking for advice, or just to vent. So I didn't really give any advice or offer my opinion other than to say that I understood why he was upset and that I would be upset too if H had acted that way.

Anyway, today I got an e-mail from OM "updating" me on the situation with his fiancee'. Did I need an update? No, not really. I'm not sure why he felt the need to keep me updated on the situation.

My question is this: Do any of your OM/MM's complain about their wives/gf's/fiancee's and if so, how do you respond?

I don't want to chime in and tell him what I *really* think of her, because that would only make me look bad, but on the other hand, I don't want to remain silent, either. Plus, it kind of hurts that he's spending our time talking about her. Any advice/support would be greatly appreciated!

:)

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 8:47pm

Hi Circe,


MM and I discuss everything... and that includes our spouses... many a time it's been me that will vent to MM about what DH might do... but there a plenty of times that MM will vent to me as well.


More often than not... it's just that... a

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Sun, 04-04-2004 - 8:51pm
There have been times when MM will talk to me about his relationship with W. Like you, I don't want to say what I am REALLY thinking because I am afraid I will come off like a jealous shrew. (And I am trying to keep the little green monster caged when it comes to MM and W.) LOL

First and foremost we are friends, and I have to remember that. It makes me feel good that he can confide in me about his life. I basically just try to be a shoulder for him to lean on.

I guess that is my advice. Listen and be a caring friend. What else can we do??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 12:28pm
I am a SW dating a MM. We actually got into a conversation last night about his W. I do not really enjoy hearing about some of the things he shares, but I am GLAD that he feels he can share it with me. I sometimes try and put myself in her shoes by using my favorite expression "If you take me out of the equation..." and give him advice from a woman's point of view. However, there are times that I tell him that I think she is wrong about how she acts. He knows that I have a jealousy issue with the whole situation. But, there are times when he just needs to vent to someone, and that is what I am there for. I know he doesn't do it to hurt me, and I suspect your OM doesn't do it to hurt you either. Sometimes I just step back and tell him that this is not something I want to talk about right now, and I am not the best person to be telling. We usually go on to different subjects then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 1:41pm
My OM is single so no one to complain about but I think I'd fall apart if I didn't have him to vent about my H to. I try to limit it but sometimes I just have to vent and he doesn't seem to mind much...he already knows we have severe relationship issues anyhow so. I usually try to do any venting when we are on the phone, as opposed to our time together though since that is few and far between anymore with our crazy schedules.

Love

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 1:59pm
MM and I both vent to one another about our spouses. Normally, he talks only to vent, and I mostly tell him things to ask his advice or "what would you do" type of thing. He is extremely impartial and has always given me excellent advice. It's nice to be able to deal with reality with him and not "ignore" the fact that we have/had others in our lives. I think it makes us better friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 3:42pm
OK,so maybe him venting to me isn't a bad thing after all? I guess it shows that he's comfortable enough and trusts me enough to confide in me. Also, that he respects my opinion enough to ask for it. I never really looked at it that way before. Thanks to everyone who responded. You all definitely gave me a different point of view!

:)

Circe