OM- NEVER CALLS ME

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
OM- NEVER CALLS ME
12
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 4:43pm
Hi, I haven't posted on this board in months. Why does this

have to be so painful . I work w/ OM several time's a week . He is a

Supervisor and works for my H . He is divorced and has 2 teenage children .

I have no clue why I still have feelings for this person .

I am in a very unhappy marriage .......Anyway , Friday went out had a few drinks

and ( yep ) called OM again . He did not answer I left a very painful VM , asking

him to tell me something anything . Tell me to go to hell, STOP CALLING ETC.

It's now Monday and still NO phone call . I feel like such a FOOL !

The crazy thing is I want to call him again . Anyway, when I do see him at work probably

one day next week if we havent talked by than . What do I say ?Do I say anything ??

HELP ME ...........HURTING ..............Thanx 4 any advice

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 5:20pm
HI,

What happened? Why did you and OM break up? Do you want to continue your EMA with OM or just be friends.?? Are you wanting out of your marriage? What was so bad about your EMA to cause the NC in the first place?

These are all questions you need to answer for yourself... Keep your pride, don't beg, You're better then that and if he doesn't see that then it's his loss.. How long has there been NC? THe pain will soon go away... I promise..

=)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 5:43pm
Ever eat an Oreo and then feel the need to eat the whole box ... just "because"? Well, that's what you are doing with OM and your phone calls. YOU NEED TO STOP!!!!

When you see him, be cordial, but impersonal. It is over. Let it be over. He is doing whatever it takes to not encourage you, even if it really hurts you. Show him you get the point. Don't be mean. Be "nothing". Be neutral. Walk away with head held high.

Let it go.

It WILL get better. Every day that passes will help. If you need support, go to http://www.rhondafindling.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 6:02pm
Wow ........Did I need to hear that . I know in my heart it's OVER . It has been

for many, many months . You advice was GREAT . But, I still feel he can step up and be a man and tell me face to face it's OVER ............

I guess what I am saying is .I still have some hope .

Emotionally attached ......

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 6:16pm
Ask yourself this: what good would it do for him to tell it to your face? would it make the relationship any less OVER? or would it merely give you a chance to "eat more oreos"???

No matter what he SAYS, you will never know what to believe. No matter what he SAYS, you will feel what you feel. Thus, what he says is irrelevant. Completely and entirely irrelevant.

His failure to "break up" with you is HIS failure to give HIMSELF closure. You get closure from yourself. Give it to yourself.

I promise you that if you let yourself grieve instead of just "eating more oreos" you WILL feel better little by little, and six months from now, you'll be like, "OM Who?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 8:11pm
I love what you wrote . Your advice is wonderful . I wish I could be that strong

person you talk about . The hard part for me is seeing him at work . I leave feeling broken hearted and think about him constantly .

I know I need to move on . I have tried to do just that . I have gone for many weeks w/out calling him, with the hope he wouldcall me .

The hard part is just about 5 months ago . I started working for same company as he .

It was a lot easier when I worked for our sister company . I rarely saw him.

I first started seeing him back in 5/2001

It's hard for me to believe it's over .

Torn and confused .........

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 8:17pm
You might be torn but you are not confused. You know it's over. You know that it's not to *your* benefit to be chasing him. The question you need to answer is why you put yourself in this position continuously. The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and over, and expect a different result. Don't do it to yourself. Go to counseling. Get your own head on straight. Until YOU want to be with you, you will not find a MM/OM or H who will want to. The strength has to come from you. It's not that you don't have it -- you do. You CHOOSE not to use it.

Good luck to you. No one should put themselves through this. It's avoidable. Take care of yourself.

lily

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 8:21pm
Lily, I think that was a bit unduly harsh - the part about until she likes herself, no one else will. I really don't agree with that. EVERYONE can find love - even the most rotten people, even the people with the lowest self esteem. BUT the reason it is better to have high self esteem is because it enables you to be loved and to accept love from someone who is truly WORTH your love. In other words, if you have low self esteem, you can attract men. But you will never want the men who are good people because you do not think deep down in side that you deserve them.

I think that the original poster should do as we say, stop "eating oreos" and get some therapy to help her leave this behind her...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 9:20pm
To the original poster, imafool... I in no way intended to be harsh. But I see what you're doing as self-destructive and you deserve better. But you are the only one who can make that happen.

To Yoga... I disagree... but that's the beauty of a public board!

lily

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 9:42pm
It's over - you know that. So now it is a matter of your pride. (Keeping it or at least sustaining any that you have left!) Please know I'm not trying to be mean in any way. Hold your head up high and say nothing to him. Please! Later you will be so glad that you were able to remain strong. I promise.

Good luck! BE STRONG!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 10:14pm
look 'fool'. in my opinion its time for you to start swallowing a bitter little pill called SELF DICIPLINE. though this will make you experience a fair amount of discomfort in your life- it will also give you a great amount of satisfaction and pleasure over the right amount of time. you have heard no doubt of the saying "you get what you pay for"...well- your love life the way you describe it is generally void of any value what so ever- in my view simply because you are too undiciplined with your personal code of behavior, that is if you have any code at all. your present problem that you are airing to the public is that this 'OM' will not return your clawing, emotional, blathering, needy, clingy, completely self defacing phone messages.

is it any wonder why he does not want to call you back?? you may feel that you deserve decency of his return call- even if it is to tell you to 'f-uck off' at the very least- but then wouldn't that imply that you should live up to the same code of honesty in your own life?,,,,for instance by telling your husband that you are making a mockery of the friendship, love and loyalty that you promised him? .....

you may not want to hear this, but the fact is you are hearing it because you voluntered to air your personal dirty laundry in a post board that is open to anyone and everyone....well here it is: your life, as you have described it is full of self created nonsense and unless you pull yourself together- not only will you create more petty pity parties for yourself- but you will create unforgivable pain to others in your life- like for instance your husband, who for some reason you still bother to pretend to be faithful to although you are living in a rediculous lie.

the fact that this other man in your life is not calling you is no wonder to me- nor would it be to you if you would simply rise up and live in a more self diciplned manner, get a firm grip on your emotions, reign in your sense of self pity and reject your impulse to use any excuse you can find for a quick fix in your life- such as the blathering phone calls to this other man you found to fill the void in your marriage, which no doubt suffers largely because of your own dishonesty and inability to either step up to the plate and tell your husband your deepest secrets, and/or tell your husband to f-uck off because he does not satisfy you in any way and move on with your goddamned life...without dragging the man you made your wedding vows to through the gravel- as though he were some sort of human trash at your disposal......beyond the issue of you being unfaithful to your husband and potentially scarring his sould beyond repair.....getting back to your origional and oh so profound issue about the "OM" and why he won't call, what you should do if you see him next week or whenever...well i suggest if you want any relationship with this man at all- you pull yourself together woman. you stand up straigt and tall and appear to be a strong individual, rather than a desperate flailing child crippled by her own need to have some "OM" give her the attention and approval that she should be creating within herself...for herself. problem solved. for christ sake.

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