OM- NEVER CALLS ME

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
OM- NEVER CALLS ME
12
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 4:43pm
Hi, I haven't posted on this board in months. Why does this

have to be so painful . I work w/ OM several time's a week . He is a

Supervisor and works for my H . He is divorced and has 2 teenage children .

I have no clue why I still have feelings for this person .

I am in a very unhappy marriage .......Anyway , Friday went out had a few drinks

and ( yep ) called OM again . He did not answer I left a very painful VM , asking

him to tell me something anything . Tell me to go to hell, STOP CALLING ETC.

It's now Monday and still NO phone call . I feel like such a FOOL !

The crazy thing is I want to call him again . Anyway, when I do see him at work probably

one day next week if we havent talked by than . What do I say ?Do I say anything ??

HELP ME ...........HURTING ..............Thanx 4 any advice

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 12:03am
Foxfire!!! You go girl!!!!!! Woooooo!!!!! Tell it like it is, and then some!

I would put it differently of course, in my own no b.s. manner, but I think you have hit the nail on the head, not just with imafool but with many of the whines I hear on this board. It comes down to living your life in an authentic manner - not playing your OM hand while playing your H hand. Why bother to have an affair if it's just sturm und drang anyway??? I mean, either you have a goal of being together, and you work towards the goal, or you have the self discipline to just say no to gratuitous high-schoolish extra marital sexual flinging.

Nuf sed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-09-2003 - 1:22am
Hugs, Fool...

I'm sorry you are in pain. And while I know that pain is very real, it is of your own making: it is all in your own mind, because whether or not OM is keeping to no contact, you are allowing the pain.

Sift through what is in your mind to cause unhappiness. One you mentioned is your marriage - what do you want/need to do to eliminate that unhappiness?...do you want to talk with H, see a counsellor together, work on your marriage, OR do you want to disolve your marriage? Another unhapiness is OM - what do you want/need to do to eliminate that unhapiness?...can you change your position or job?, can you see a counsellor to help you work through and overcome the unhappiness?, can you fill the void left from the affair ending with a new challenge?

Eliminate the negative and accentuate the positive to gain a healthy balance. Set yourself a goal for happiness, break down all the problematic areas into little steps, and work on it a little at a time, rekindling your strength as you surpass each step and ultimately realise your goal. If being in a two-way loving, trusting, respecting relationship is a goal (and it should not be your Only goal for happiness!), then be general in picturing it - for you cannot count on a specific person for happiness other than yourself.

I like to think of it as planting seeds and weeding in my subconscious. Some tend to think we have no control over the subconscious (emotions), only the conscious (decisions/action) - but we do have control over the subconscious! The subconscious only knows what it's learned from experience and thought. If you plant good thought seeds, and nurture them by checking in on them each day to be sure they are still there, then they flourish. But the bad thought weeds can nurture, too, if we check in on them each day (or countless times through-out the day, lol) - weed those out and stop checking on them and they'll die away. The subconscious is there with the emotions, but the conscious is there with the action and decision - it is up to us in how we act and deal with the emotions - it is not up to the emotions in how we act.

Are you picturing that happy, healthy relationship? Remember, it's not going to be good and healthy until you are within yourself. You must love yourself first if you want others to love you like you deserve.

Fool, you are not going to get closure from OM - you would feel pain and the desire to continue the affair no matter what OM says/does - therefore, don't say anything to OM (unless you see him in passing, then just a simple "hi" with your head up will suffice) - in this case - you do pass go (OM), and you do collect the 200 bucks (your self-esteem).

Pick yourself up, pull on some (gardening) gloves, and get to work on yourself!

Wishing you peace and happiness,

Meow

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