OM & Pre-Cana

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
OM & Pre-Cana
22
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 4:43pm
Well, I just returned from a week and a half long vacation. Had minimal contact with OM during this time, except for a few e-mails and text messages. Today, I went to OM's place to hang out and tell him about my trip. We talked, cuddled a bit, and fooled around a little, but didn't have sex. As I was about to leave, OM asks, "When do you think we'll have this out of our system?" Confused, I asked him what he meant.

He went on to explain that he wondered when we would have the physical part of our relationship "out of our systems" and just be friends. Still confused, I asked him why he was asking this of me now.

He explained that he is going to a pre-cana retreat this weekend with his fiancee' in preparation for their wedding next year and that he thought the pre-cana experience might mean the end of the physical part of our relationship. I didn't know what to say. I am not Catholic, so I don't really know what is involved, although I have friends who have gone on these retreats.

I guess I'm kind of confused, and not sure what to do. On one hand, I respect his religion and everything, but there is a part of me (maybe a mean selfish part) that doesn't see what that has to do with us, and feels hurt that he said this.

Anyone have any words of advice/support? I won't talk to OM again until at least Sunday. He is out of town until Friday, then he leaves Friday night to go on the retreat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:11am
Our specific religions have never been an issue between us. MM is Catholic, I'm Methodist. MM is a very spiritual person but not overly religious. We've talked about guilt (or actually, LACK of guilt) in our A, but religion hasn't played a part in our discussions about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:16am
i believe in all religons, I try not to call myself from one religon. I have been to Catholic Schools to know enough about that faith, I have been very close friends and neighbors with girls of the Islam faith, so I know a lot about that religon too. I am into Buddist belifs too, I like to read differnt text written by Zen masters. So, I guess I am a all rounder.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:18am
Which is a good thing, Juliet. It makes you more open-minded and tolerant of other people and their beliefs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:21am
Yeah, I know what you mean. I was raised Catholic but haven't been to church in years. I guess all those years of Catholic guilt being inflicted on me, coupled with years of religious education classes did me in. lol I still consider myself Christian, but I don't go to church on a regular basis or anything.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:28am
Let me say something about Pre Cana. I am Catholic and my H and I went through it. It WAS very emotionally exhausting, I couldn't wait for it to be over! I have never really agreed with a lot of the teachings in the Catholic Church but my H says we were raised Catholic and we will stay Catholic. Another way he rules my life! Anyway at the weekend there were couples I heard that split after the weekend because it really drills you on your relationship.

If he is having problems enough to cheat on his fiance' then those problems may just come out during the weekend or he may lie I don't know.

Also I agree Priests should marry, although I doubt it would lessen the pediofiles that are there. I mean no heterosexual male priest or non would do that to a child. '

deedee

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:38am
So what is Pre-Cana. Is it like a boot camp for people who are engaged to be married??
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:39am
Wow! What exactly goes on at this Pre Cana? How do they drill you on your relationship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:40am
Good morning Rain,

Yes, I guess that does make sense. My point was that either way, stealing money or being pedophiles, no matter how "holier than thou" they want us to believe they are, they are not! Yet they preach about what is right and what is wrong, thereby creating the stirring of guilt in those that stray from the "rules". I assume this is the intention, but I feel a little unrealistic. From my point of view, I think I would rather they use church money to pay for their illegitimate children if necessary, rather than impose their sexual needs on the innocent. However, if they were just given the option of getting married and engaging in sexual activity with their spouses, I think it would solve some (not all) of their deviant sexual behaviours. And just think, if they were allowed to get married, there would be a whole new raft of Catholic MM that we could sink our teeth into - LOL just kidding, trying to lighten up the post!!!

Like I said, I'm not Catholic, I don't have a lot of knowledge in this area, but it has been a huge news item, where I am anyway, and I have formed an opinion, right or wrong, we are definitely entitled to them.

Thanks for the lesson in Catholic history.

Take care

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 10:41am
"Strange, God has yet to appear with a clear message, and as recently as last Sunday I gave him the chance."


That's an interesting view point you have there rain... how does that work?


sujata

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Thu, 04-15-2004 - 11:12am
>>Strange, God has yet to appear with a clear message,

>>and as recently as last Sunday I gave him the chance.

>That's an interesting view point you have there rain...

>how does that work?

LOL. Sure, why not. This should be a challenge for me to keep short... and truly, no offense is intented to anyone.

First, my post was slightly erroneous; I don't just listen for God in church. And I shouldn't have implied I was giving God an hour last Sunday to pass out the answers to life's test. Above all, I don't believe God functions that way.

What I meant is that I went to church Sunday. I listened to the Easter message of the pastor, in which I found support for leaving my W and later for staying. I looked through the Bible as I often do and could find no scripture making it okay to get divorced. But I did find scripture telling me to not eat certain animals, not to wear the skins of certain animals, to remember the Sabbath (which is ironic considering I was in church on Sunday, not the traditional Jewish Sabbath) and all of this while hearing that Jesus came to break down the old rules. So really... how much of this book is literal and how much is figurative? And how much was poorly translated?

I'm a scholarly type. I don't take the Bible literally in most cases. The newest part is 2000 years old and missing related texts because the emporer who commissioned it wanted to keep it short. Christmas is lined up with Pagan holidays because Constantine thought it would be an easier way to get converts. I tend to go on and on... so I'll stop.

My point was that God seldom appears with a clear message. I know people who've described a bright bolt of light bearing a message, and they seem sincere, leaving me with little choice but to believe them. After all, I don't pretend to know how God will choose to manifest to any of us. I know the argument that "God provides the message, you probably aren't listening."

And that might be true. It's just that the message I really feel I hear the most is that I should leave my W who hasn't ever really appreciated me or taken an interest in me or (if you want to get biblical) "submitted herself" to me. I don't feel honored or cherished, and most days I don't even feel loved. But if I'm to believe the Bible, there are no grounds for divorce, which means that can't possibly be what God is telling me.

OK, I really have to stop -- I honestly don't want to insult anyone else's faith. This is such a long and misplaced topic... religion and spirituality is a central focus of my life, and I probably do a very poor job conveying it briefly that this morning.

rain