Omahamm Good Luck Today!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Omahamm Good Luck Today!!!
18
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 9:46am
Hello my friend,

I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you today, and the difficult task that you are facing. I hope everything works out for the best, as I'm sure it will.

You have not entered into this new phase of your life without serious thought, and your heart is in the right place. I admire you for that!

Your honesty with yourself, and the people around you, can only result in a life of contentment and fulfillment, something that I myself am striving for. Your example has provided me with much strength and the reassurance that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Take care

Red

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 11:52am
Red,

Thank you so much for the kind words and positive thoughts. You are right that I have started down this path only after careful thought and deliberation. I know some here may not know it, but I am a caring and cautious person. Through all of this, my son has been the most important factor. When I was deciding whether to stay or leave, he was always the first thing on my mind. Ultimately, I had to make the decision based on my R with my W, but I'd by lying if I said he didn't affect it. He's a tremendous little boy and my greatest accomplishment. And although I know this will hurt him in the short term, I truly believe that in his lifetime, he will be better for it. I grew up with parents who didn't truly love one another and were staying together for the kids. Both of them were miserable much of the time and when they finally got divorced after 25 years of marriage, my first question was, "What took so long??".

I don't really have any idea how today will go. My W and I have followed the advice of a very good book on what to say and how to approach it. Our intent is to be as positive and reassuring as possible and not assign blame. This allows the child to feel as if it is okay to continue to love both parents and makes the whole transition easier. I'm frightened, of course. But I'm ready. I can only hope he handles this well as he is a very bright and strong child.

Thank you again Red for thinking of me on this day. I want you to know that I admire you as well and I wish you nothing but happiness and success in whatever path you choose. You truly deserve it. And after a lifetime of not realizing it, I now know I deserve it too.

Omaha

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 12:23pm
Thinking of you Omaha. Considering all the thought you have put into it, and the careful way you and your w are approaching the situation, i'm sure it will go just fine.

Good luck!

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 7:48pm
Omahamm, I'm new to the board and gather by this post that you and your W are going to end your marriage, and that you have a young son at home. If that is the case, I just want to say, as difficult as it was to come to this point, you honestly are doing the right thing. I stayed in my marriage thinking I could change him, his drinking would stop. That one day he would be the husband and father we deserved and stop drinking, focus more on his family instead of work. In retrospect, I should have left while the children were young. Yes, it would have been difficult for the short term. But perhaps I would found a good man for myself and my children. A real father for my son, instead of a verbally abusive drunk. I worry that I'm modeling my behavior of "sticking it out" for my daughter, when in reality there are times we just need to walk away. It's too late for that now, they are teens and a D would too hurtful for them.

You have a chance to start fresh, and hopefully show your child what a deeply loving relationship really is.

Good luck to you, and God bless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:27pm
Omaha,

Believe me there is no one who is more worried about you today, than I am. I love you so much and I know that this is probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, and I admire you for the strength you will have to uphold today. I know, I KNOW, he loves you so much, more than he loves "her" and I really hope that she has one fraction of your strength to keep a level and unvindictive head through all this. I don't know what else to say, but i cannot wait to talk to you tonight.

I love you so much!

IS

(and btw, thanks for telling Omaha that you miss me guys! miss you all too!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:54pm
Hi IS,

I'm so glad to see you post. It's been a while. I feel the love between yourself and Omahamm.

Everyone that knows me here, and know my style, are familiar with the fact that I am not judgemental (or at least I try not to be), but that I am honest in my convictions.

I did have a little problem with your statement that "I know, I KNOW, he loves you so much, more than he loves "her" ".

I am sorry, and I do not mean to offend your or Omahamm, but that is not a fair comment. You may have said it in order to offer support to the love of your life, or to allow a justification into the task at hand, but I cannot believe it.

A child loves. And despite different personalities or parenting styles of Mom and Dad, a child will love each parent equally. Unless of course they are being abused. But then again, my H was abandoned, and then abused by his father, and H has done nothing but wish he had a loving, natural relationship with that man. And if anyone were to ask my H if he loves his father, his answer would be a resounding "YES".

That boy is going to love both of his parents, unconditionally. They will each provide him with qualities that nobody else will be able to replace, and it is unfair to say that he will or does love one above the other.

Maybe I am being biased here, since I am a mother, and I cannot fathom someone saying that they know that my children love my H more than myself. I can only hope the we aare loved equally, no matter the situation.

I will suggest to you IS, that your thoughts on this matter, be kept between yourself and Omahamm, otherwise they may cause resentment and trouble in the future.

Again, I am not judging your comments, only offering my opinion. You know that my support lies with you and your love for each other, but also in hope that Omahamm's children are confident in their parent's love and the love they have for each parent (as I am sure it will be, given the direction Omahamm and his stbXW has taken in ensuring a smooth transition).

Take care

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 7:26am
Red,

I agree with your thoughts on the "they love you more than her" part. Also I think we should cut IS a break - she is young after all. As time goes by IS will learn esp when she has children of her own. :) You are right though on one point I could tell how much she loves him from her posts. You are lucky omaha!! Maybe I will come back after five years and see your engagement post with IS. :)


Juliet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 8:05am
Hey Good morning,

I agree Juliet, and I wasn't trying to be hard on IS, just offering her an opinion.

She knows that we love both her and Omahamm.

Take care guys and have a great day!

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 8:22am
OK Red. I just wanted to post that so that people who like to attack omaha and IS all the time don't feed on your post. That's all. We do love omaha and IS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 10:22am
Juliet and Red,

Thank you both for the thoughts. I understand what you're saying about what IS had to say about my son and his feelings for me and my W. And you're right that he does love us both and I would never say those particular words. But unfortunately, IS is somewhat isolated from my life right now and for obvious reasons, has a bias towards me. I believe she was simply trying to offer me strength and support. I'll admit to saying that he and I have a closer bond than he has with my W. But I certainly don't think he loves me more. But again, IS has heard many details of our M that the rest of you haven't and I think that is where some of the resentment she has towards my W comes from. I know for a fact she would never say anything like that to either my son or my W. She is a very good person who is in a very difficult situation. She is so caring that she has spent the entire weekend worried about me and my son. I feel terrible that she is having to deal with this when none of it is her fault. But she does love me unconditionally and I feel so fortunate to have her in my life. In fact, I now plan to respond directly to her post to thank her, even though I've already thanked her numerous times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 10:50am
IS my love,

You know how much you mean to me and I can't thank you enough for standing by me through all of this. I didn't get to this point because of you, but you certainly have given me strength to make it through it all. I only hope that I can spend my lifetime giving you just as much love and appreciation as you have given me.

You know that things aren't simple in my situation and that my son and I have a very close bond. I certainly wouldn't say he loves me more than he loves her, but I understand why you said that. Just remember that she is his mom and he needs her as much as he needs me. I know that you know this, I just felt like I should say it. As you know, she didn't show the kind of strength I hoped she would, but this is a tough situation for her. I just hope she can learn to be stronger because through all of this, he is going to need us for support, not the other way around.

In any event, you know how much you mean to me. I hate that you have to go through all of this, but I love that you are always thinking of me. Not a minute goes by that I am not thankful you came into my life and I look forward to our future together.

Thank you so much and I love you more than words can express,

Me

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