OMG I need advice ASAP.....PLEASE

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
OMG I need advice ASAP.....PLEASE
12
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 12:27am

I have been in an affair with my AP for the past five years (yes way too long).. I have posted on this board a few month ago but because my affair ended I stopped coming on the board.
My Affair was no contact for about 4-5 months, my AP parents house was destroyed and I felt the need to contact my AP and give my condolences to them. Well one thing lead to another and of course it went right back to where it was. All the emotions came flooding back and we are 'back on yet again'. (I'm married, AP single). Well the parents are staying with my AP so we can't meet up at my AP house anymore so it's time to be creative here. We work together and my AP wants to meet tomorrow night at the office to 'get together' BUT...I am EXTREMELY nervous. We work in two separate buildings so there would be no need for us to be there at 7:30pm at night together. Do I leave my car somewhere and walk over to the building, what if someone shows up, what if someone sees me coming/going from the building. OK OK...I am freaked out about it. but I want to do it. It's really the only place we have to met. MY AP works late there all the time and has assured me that during the time there no one showed up.
I guess I'm asking, SHOULD I....is it too risky. There are no camera's, I'm just so nervous about it. Guess just looking for opinions if you girls/guys would do it???? Please give advice, I would really appreciate it.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!
SCE

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 12:32am
also can't get a hotel room for one night too expensive and too far to go. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 1:47am

Dont meet him at all. You went NC for 5 months and now you are going to put yourself in a position of starting the whole A over. Try to remember why you got out of it the first time. Is it going to be any different? Do you want another 5 years to drift by and be in the same place?
I really hope you rethink what you are doing as i am sure the reasons for ending the A were as valid then as they are now.
If you do end up going, you are going to be too nervous to really enjoy yourself anyway. There may not be cameras, but being your place business, you never know who will be around.

Good luck

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 1:55am
SB said is perfectly! I have to totally and completely agree with her entire post.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2005
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 2:08am

I gotta tell you,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Wed, 09-16-2009 - 11:05pm

Sorry.....I guess my question was a little confusing. I wasn't asking if I should be back in the A, I was asking about meeting at work. I appreciate the input and I get where you ladies are coming from, I do I totally get it.

Question is, should I meet him/her at the work location (I get the "don't sh*t, where you eat thing). But my question was "would you do it, knowing that no one will probably show up and you know for a fact that there are no camera's"

I'm too deep in this already with emotions to go back now, I know we did no contact for five months but I'm too far in already to end it again. There is something there, this major connection that we have.

I appreciate all input and I hope that my response here does not come across as rude....by NO means is that what I'm trying to come across as. I apologize if it does. I'm just looking from advice from people that are in my situation. That know it's hard to find time/places to be together.

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE.
SCE

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 8:32pm

I'm honestly really surprised that there are not more responses to this post. It really wasn't that hard of a question to answer...For those that have been on this board for many years I would have THOUGHT for SURE that at least a few of you have done this or hell even been in this situation.

I have had problems with getting support on this board before, I guess if your not on the 'in' crowd there is NO point in posting for help. This WILL BE my last post to this board. I have posted before many times with no help and I'm tired of reaching out.

Just like the man that posted introducing himself and talking about his affair. instead of support he got the third degree. I'm NOT saying that his behavior was 'right' but damn he got a lot of feedback with really NO ONE understanding him. This board is for SUPPORT not judgement.

Eric

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 8:41pm

Eric,
AMen! I totally agree! I have not been on this board long, but I don't get feedback at all or very rarely! I am completely with you that this board is for support. I am in a position where I can not talk to ANYONE I am close to because they are all business partners and colleagues and would go straight back to our spouses. I am honoring and respecting my relationship with AP by being completely anonymous. I appreciate you expressing your frustrations.

Thanks

Gal

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 10:07pm

Hi eric,


I just read your whole post. I'm sorry you feel unsupported. I'm here for you and gal if you want to talk.


If it were me in the situation, I would probably go meet AP. I'm just being completely honest for the fact that I love him so much and am not quite at the point where I'm ready to end things. I'm frustrated with the situation but not quite ready or able to let go yet. I would probably also be very nervous but if it were the only place I could see AP I guess I would go.


Just curious, Would you be with AP if you werent married? Have you guys talked about a future together? I hope to here back from you. Let me know how the meeting goes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 10:24pm

Im sorry Eric if you feel that you have not been getting the support you need. There really is no "in" crowd here- and if there was I am certainly not a member of it. I post answers when I feel i have the experience or some rational opinion to help in a particular problem. There are some situations I have never been in so I dont think i have the ability to give a decent answer to. Doesnt mean i dont have an opinion as such, just that i dont feel i could contribute anything helpful to the situation.

>>I guess I'm asking, SHOULD I....is it too risky. There are no camera's, I'm just so nervous about it. Guess just looking for opinions if you girls/guys would do it????<<
This was what i based my answer on- and i said you SHOULDNT meet there. I didnt understand that you wanted to meet regardless and i thought that since you had NC for so many months and managed to part that it would be a bad idea to take it back up. If you are happy to be back in the A, then I still think that meeting in a public place -especially at work is a very bad idea. This is what i based my answer on.

The post youre referring to (i know the one as i posted there too) was an extreme example. He wasnt being lamblasted because he was asking for help in the beginning. If you had read it through you would have seen that his actual underlying problems and grievances came out around posting 42 or something. His first post was a brag and that was all. The MAS board is for support, questions and just help for problems and he did not have anything in his post that indicated he required any of those. People here are genuinely hurting and feel deeply in their Rs. I dont think i have EVER read that someone has been told off for being here when needing answers. MAS is exactly what it is says- Married Affair SUPPORT. If you do not need any support, then why did he post. It was only after the 40+ posts that his real issue came to light that he was unhappy with the way his W ignored his intimate needs but by then the Hoohar had been made. If he had said in the first place his unhappiness, he would have been received differently.

All that aside, being a male asking a majority female board questions will be more difficult to get answers that directly relate to your situation, but I am sure that people do not veto yours on purpose.

Wishing you the best and if you would like to get an answer to anything that you feel you havent yet, i would be happy for you to email me and I will give you my honest opinion.

SBQue Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.




Edited 9/20/2009 10:30 pm ET by sometimesblue
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 7:00pm
Gotta say I would go for it.. just did the same thing in my office yesterday.

Pages