You know, I've been here before and posted a couple times, but I don't think I ever thought I would actually "join". Not that I didn't want too, but I guess i just didn't see this coming. You all warned me of the gammut of feelings and the emotional rollercoster an A would cause and now that I'm in the middle of it, I'm scared to death. Here it is in as short of a nutshell as I can make it!! I met this guy a little over 2 years ago when he and his pregnant gf would come into the retail store that I work at. I always thought he was cute, but I had just gotten married and his gf was having his baby. After a couple months, we became friends...me, him, the gf, and the new baby. Although we never socialized outside of the store I worked at, they would come visit me every time they were around (which turned out to be quite often). This went on for a year and a half when finally, he happened to stop by the store alone and we were chatting and we got to talking about how neither of us were happy in our relationships. This was about 4 months ago. Since then, things have essentially spiraled out of control....I'm not even sure anymore how it all happened. We're now at a place where we see each other nearly every day, we're both falling head over heels for each other, and he's even talking about the future. We've already taken this relationship all the way and even I have to admit that I'm so deep into this that the thought of ending it tears me up inside. The other day, his gf got his cell phone bill and questionned him about all the phone calls to me...up til now, she's assumed that the only time we talk is when I see them both at the store. So, it's starting to get to a point where its about ready to blow out of the water and I don't know if I'm ready for that. we both know that we want to be together, but it's alot harder to leave current relationships then it seems. His gf is so desperate to save their relationship that she'll do whatever he says....she's even still friendly with me even after finding out that we've been lying to her about our friendship. And my marriage.....well, its a matter of time and money. My marriage should have never happened and now I'm trying to work my way out without hurting my H too much. It's to the point that I have had sex 2 times in the last 3 months and neither time was it with my H. So that's the short of it.....!!
But these crazy emotions that I keep getting!! Wow, how do you guys deal with those? One minute all I want to do is be with him, and the next, I'm ready to break it off. This weekend, for the first time, I felt some horrible jealousy when him and his gf stopped by to see me......I wasn't prepared for that at all and it really scared me. That's why I'm writing this post, to stop me from writing an emotional email to him, breaking it off. I guess I've worked so hard my whole life protecting my heart from being hurt that the moment I feel any sort of "bad" feelings, I shut down and run. How do you all deal with jealous feelings? I mean, it's horrible to know that right now he's lying in bed beside her. I hate jealousy with a passion and I don't want to become a possessive, obsessive, jealous freak....especially since I knew getting into this that he had a gf and a baby (whom I love to death, by the way!!!).
Anyway, I guess I just needed to get it out and talk to someone about it. There's no one who I can really tell all this too. So thanks for listening and understanding. It is nice to know that I can be honest here without having to fear what others will think.
~Blue
There is no protection. No matter what happens now, someone will end up being hurt. I could very well end up being you. If not, it will be your H and his GF.
I have been through this twice. The first time was with my now H, and that was 20 years ago. There was hurt all around. His W was hurt, my family was hurt, H was hurt, and I was hurt. There is no getting around it.
Which leads me to wonder why I would ever, ever, ever, put myself in this situation again. My last (and believe me, it is my last!) A ended, again I was hurt, xMM was hurt, my H was hurt. The only person that has come out of this unscathed is xMM's W, as she has no idea what has transpired for 7 months or more. But even in that, xMM's W has had to deal with performance problems in their bedroom, impatience on xMM's part, and distance - and she doesn't even know the reason why. So, in a sense, she has been hurt as well.
The feelings of jealousy, I can't help with. I had them on a daily basis, and I still do!
My advice is tread very lightly, this is thin ice. And, unfortunately for me, it was the only roller coaster that I didn't enjoy riding.
Oh, and I am in no way passing judgement. I do know what it is like. You cannot fight centrifugal force.
Take care
Red
I agree the jealousy is the worst. Mine eats me up inside everyday. The worst part about it is that I can't even take it out on my MM because I entered into this relationship well aware he had a W. Sometimes I want to just scream at him to leave their bedroom and move into his own room, but of course for now he is doing everything he can to keep up appearances. He plans to leave her eventually but save the long story (see "So Messed Up" post) he can't right now. After 2 years, I haven't found a way to cope with the jealousy yet, if you figure it out please let me know.
I also never saw myself as an OW, maybe none of us have. I'm sorry it hurts so bad, for all of us.
Brin