OM's mom is dying... less than one year

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
OM's mom is dying... less than one year
4
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 9:43am
Hey y'all, the passed few weeks have been chilly on the OM front.. He was sick, and home all week and half with his W and kids.. I knew that his mom was ill, and that maybe she had a year or two to live, but was just wondering why the distance from me.. what is wrong, i was emailing and text messaging without much response for 2 weeks, so i called him and although i didn't want to, we had a good talk.


He was really open about not knowing how to deal with one life breaking down while trying to build another one up. I just told him that i want to be there for him. ( we live a 3 hr flight away and haven't seen eachother since we met on aug 29th.. ) and he said that was the nicest thing he could have heard. He can't talk to his W or brother, and that was good to hear.

I told him though that we should just be friends at least for now. Its too much to think of to be more, and i don't want him leaving home for any amount of time with his mom so sick. He thinks she will be gone in less than 6 months, and was getting choked up talking about this being her last xmas, and what to do after etc.. i just wanted to hold him, and didn't want to add to his problems. Told him that i want to be there if he lets me in.. he seemed relieved. said he still missd me, and i know i miss him, but think its best now to support eachother.. any thoughts..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 11:16am
Keep doing what you are. Do everything you would if it was one of your best girlfriends in the same situation. He will appreciate the fact that you are not putting pressure on him for anything else and knowing he can get a hold of you for a shoulder to lean on. He is going to be emotionally exhausted from the loss of his mother and drain of a prolonged illness. In addition, he is struggling with his own health issues, the W and kids.

I know it is hard not to hear from him and you wish you could physically be there to comfort him.

Hang in there.

saatty

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Tue, 10-21-2003 - 11:26am
thank you for the advice.. really thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 11:39am
I know your post is a few days old, but I wanted to add my support. A mother's passing is such a difficult thing to experience (mine has been gone for several years now). I know you are going to go through a huge emotional rollercoaster with MM, especially during the distant periods. However, I agree with Saatty on this. Treat him as you would one of your best girlfriends going through a tough time. He will appreciate knowing you are there for him. And remember to just take one day at a time.

Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 2:11am
thank you.. its very hard to be there in that situation, i am sure. FOr me, i don't know her, hardly know him, and lately just feel that we aren't in eachother's life anymore. Days go by, and i know that it may have everything to do with his mom.. again, i can't imagine what its like to fill thoses shoes.. but i will do my best.. even with no response back.. just be understanding i hopee.. thanks