This one is bad and I need advise!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2014
This one is bad and I need advise!
Sun, 01-12-2014 - 11:02pm

I'm gonna run through this very condenced.

Wife and I got married at 19. I care about her, but we never really connected and she is not my soul mate. We almost never had sex through my 20's 30's. Recently now mid 40's she wants sex every day. Go figure. We have one grown son.

About three years ago she took a position out of town and was gone for 4 months. I put up an ad on a dating website. I'm an attractive male, always attracted women, but never cheated. I was feeling like my best years were almosyt gone and I was in a not so good marriage all these years and wanted to sample the other side.

Met a 37 year old woman, no kids, never been married, she was just what I had missed all those years. She was wild in bed, the sex was out of this world and we traveled and had so much fun. I fed her lies about my situation keeping my marriage from her. Only problem is I knew right away the girl I'm seeing on the side would not be the one. She's unstable metally, wanted me to take her away and pay for everything, she had unbelievable expecations and I let her believe them.

As you can guess, wife comes home and then the three ring circus starts. For the next two and a half years, to this moment in time, I have lived minute by miute going to movie like scnearious to keep one from fidning out about the other. The girl I had the affair with is fine unless I try breaking up. She threatens suicide, she goes nuts and out of fear of discovery I go back to her. I pay her bills, pay everything for her, she loves me and says she can't live without me. She lost her job and sits home doing nothing but waiting for me. She only wants me and she's content if she thinks eventually we will be together.

I have tried every single approach to letting her go. Tried to make her hate me, ignored her for a week, told her I wanted out, but each time she starts getting cloer to my truth I'm hiding, so I back down and let her think I'll come back to her. On and on this cycle goes, FOR TWO FREAKING YEARS AND IT'S KILLING ME!!!! I'm ready to just confess to my wife and get the living crap beat out of me by both of them. The affair woman is capable of murder I swear, she looses it to ealy. My wife will 100% dump me and I;ll have nothing. All my fault I know, or is it? She would not have sex with me but a few times per year for twenty years and I could have gotten most any woman. I subconsciouly feel like this is how I paid her back.

I'm in a terrible situation. We live two miles from the girl I had the affair with. I avoid going out with my wife out of fear she will see us. I tell the girl I'm haing the aiiar with I'm on business trips. I arrange to stay with her once of twice a month to pacify her. I have paid her bills for 24 months, I'm going broke.

Should I just tell everyone and face certain death? Should I try and end this without either woman finding out?