This one hit me out of the blue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
This one hit me out of the blue
5
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:23pm
Good Afternoon Ladies.

I just hung up with MM and he left me a bit puzzled. He offered to step into the background. Let me back up a little. My H and I went away for the weekend. We had a good time which we always do when we are away from everyday life. MM and I were discussing it and he made sure to point out that if I want space all I have to do is tell him. I asked him what provoked this and his response was that he wants me to be happy and if I think working on my M is going to make me happy then he will fade into the background, even though it would kill him to do so. Now, on the surface that is a very kind and caring statement, however, we have been involved in our relationship long enough for him to realize that one weekend of not fighting and having a good time every 6 months or so doesn't make up for what my M is lacking. I explained my thoughts to him again and he understood (he always does) that a break from him (MM) is not in my plans, and all is well with us.

Now, the part that has me puzzled is that in numerous posts in the past, MMs are the ones taking breaks and pulling back. I made sure to question him if a "break" was something he wanted. Definitely not was his response. We agreed from the beginnig that if something wasn't working for either of us that we would be honest and let the other know, NOT string them along. As far as I can see, neither of us has had our expectations change, nor has our relationship dwindled. So I don't know if I am over thinking his remarks or if I should be prepared for one of the dips that come on the rollercoaster.

I guess I am hoping that in getting this out maybe someone will be able to give me a different prospective.

Thanks for listening

Hugs

Key

Avatar for babeslvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:42pm
i find it sweet that he asked if you wanted a break. that must have been hard for him to do dont you think? it sounds like he may be some what jealous of your H. you all have admitted to being jealous of the W. i think they may get jealous as well. just something to think about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:51pm
Okay, I think I can give you some insight to this one. I am the single OW to my MM. When I would hear things that my MM would tell me about his W or their M I would do the SAME thing. Suggesting we take a break for him to work things out with his W. He would always refuse for us to take some space apart. I think my thinking was that I wanted him to assure me that things werent working out with his M and he still NEEDED to be with me. I want whats best for him & if he needs to work things out then thats what he needs to do. Its kinda like your just going thru the motions of playing the part but really & truly you would be so hurt if they really did agree to the "space". So, i dont know if I answered you question but I know I've been there done that in the same type of situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:55pm
I had similar thoughts but when it comes to MM, I don't trust my own thinking sometimes. I am so crazy about him that I never know if I am being rational. Thank you for your thoughts on this. It does help to hear other opinions, especially from someone who has BTDT.

Key

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 2:00pm
You know your right. When we started out, neither of us was jealous of the spouses. Now that you said that, I can recall several little remarks that MM has made that indicate maybe he is a little jealous. He is sweet and unselfish. *heavy sigh* I love him so much. Maybe someday I will be able to tell him.

Thank you

Key

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 2:04pm
Hi Key - it sounds like you and MM have a good relationship. It isn't always the MM/OM/CM who wants to take a step back or need space. I have considered it, and I know other women members here have as well.

I don't think you need anticipate a dip in the ride - it sounds to me as if he was merely doing a "check and balance" - making certain you are both still on the same page.

JMHO

Have a great rest of the day!