One Last Hoorah?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
One Last Hoorah?
2
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 3:01pm
Hi all, so this Friday I'm supposed to see my MM at a hotel! Not a cheap and tawdry by the hour place but a really nice suite he is getting for the weekend. Though I will only be able to see him one night and I don't think I'll be staying over. I am so excited, and nervous and scared, and guilty (isn't that always my problem?) MM and I were involved in a show together that gave us legitimate excuses to see each other, that ended a week and half ago. I was supposed to stop seeing him after it ended, we had a tearful good-bye and everything (of course most people there were crying so it wasn’t inappropriate) but the very next day I called him and he came by my office to see me. I just couldn't handle not talking to him! I told him I wanted to try being "just friends" and since we've never had sex I thought maybe it was a possibility. It's been kind of working so far, but when I see him on Fri, at a hotel with a fireplace and he's making me dinner...He really knows how to do romance, I really don't know how “just friends” will hold up.

But this will also be the first time I've really had to lie to my B/F about where I’m going to be and with who. It has really been eating me up all week I feel so bad because he is so loving and trusting and I'm betraying him! I really want to see my MM but I hate lying and deceiving my B/F. I am thinking that I am going to have to end my R or my A because I can't keep going like this, I'll give myself ulcers or an aneurysm for god's sake! I want to see MM this Friday really because I want to know what it's like to spend one evening with him free from the constraints of other people, or the car which until now is the only place we've been able to be alone. Up until now we’ve only had a few stolen moments, brief encounters, public get togethers with friends and phone conversations. I want to have an incredible night to remember. So here's what I'm wondering, has anyone been able to end an A on a high note after "One Last Hoorah" I guess, or am I being delusional to think that a grand finale will give me any sort of closure?

Mack

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 3:52pm
You are definitely being dilusional! Once you take that plunge there is no going back. And after the romantic evening you have planned you are only going to crave more. I just came to this board not too long ago and I was getting advice because I planned on having "just one night" with my MM to see what it was like (I had been M for 7 years, was not attracted to my H anymore and had some serious sexual tension with MM). That one night turned into casual sex, which turned into a R, which turned into me leaving my H (finally, even though I had wanted to anyway but this made it much easier) and now here I am. I am still seeing him, he is in the process of breaking it off with his W and is staying at my apt more than half of the time. I just don't think one last hoorah can really be just that....especially if it is technically the first hoorah and if there are already emotions involved....and it sounds like there are. Be careful.....but most importantly, do what you think is right for YOU!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 9:33pm

hey mack -- i totally agree with karen.

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