one ring off,another ring on???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
one ring off,another ring on???
7
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 12:09pm
I am SW with MM.He has taken off his ring.I noticed last saturday when my AP came over to spend the night with me.At first i took it as he might have forgotton to put it back ( he takes off sometimes before doing some handyman job)or before coming to me he took it off ( he does that sometimes).I asked him casually about it and he said that he has taken it off forever!!! I was like? AP didnt say much but i get the impression that internally,he is done with his M.We work together as well and for the last week i havent seen the ring back.
Now the tricky part.He wants to get me a ring and put it on !! i asked him why he wants to do that and he says that i should come out as 'taken' and not available.I want to put a ring on my finger so bad but from AP?In my mind,i am taken ,but to put on a ring given by him??
I havent yet decided on what to do but i soo want to.Please help me figure out whats going on in my AP's mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2009
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 12:52pm
I am a MW whose hub did have an affair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 1:13pm

Do what you feel is in your heart..Now,is

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 3:14pm
Do it for yourself if you want to but dont take a ring from your AP.He might very well be just off from M for a while and might put it back again,one week is nothing for taking it off.Taking a ring off while being M ,is a huge step and i guess one would only do it if its dead internally,like you said.
But i do agree,your AP might be on an ego boost trip.So,play it carefully.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 3:47pm

Well, I don't really have any advice or words or wisdom. I just wanted (had) to say WOW...this is something that I've wanted for myself for I don't know how long! MyAP is a MM and I'm a SW...he doesn't wear his ring at all because of his job (and I don't think he's felt married for the longest time). I know that it would kill me if he did. My second favorite fantasy is him buying me some piece of jewellry...a ring being ideal.


I'm selfish and I want him, and while everybody knows that we're together...I like the idea of having that "ring" to tell people to back off because I'm taken...there are those that still try, KWIM? And really, he's a pretty jealous guy so you'd think he'd be happy to tell everybody to lay off...without actually saying it!


I say, go with your heart!


benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Fri, 08-14-2009 - 8:06pm

What's going on in his mind? He's staking out his 'territory' - making sure no one gets close to you. He feels he can ask that of you since he took off his ring.

My take on it? Big deal, so he took off his ring. No signed divorce papers from him, no ring on your finger!! You're not his possession; don't give him a chance to think he's 'got you' and get lazy.

Don't forget you and your happiness come first, sweetie. If he wants a ring on your finger he'll need to earn that privilege legitimately.

trixie xo

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 12:34am

This is a bad spot he is putting you in; very selfish. As another poster said: he is

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sat, 08-15-2009 - 12:50pm
Thanks for all the responses.
I guess i am going to wear it.It does sound crazy but i just want to put it on.As for people asking questions,well,co-workers already know that we are together even though no one has said a word about it.Friends and family? my best friend knows about my MM and my sister has even met my AP.No problem there.Its more about me than others.
I guess i am at a point in my A that even if my AP is not able to leave his M soon ,i am happy with the way things are.In my heart its just my AP and in his heart its just me, so why not do little things for each other.
Thanks for bringing out all the possible scenarios and helping me reach a decision.Thats why i love this board!
thanks ladies!!