opinions

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2010
opinions
14
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 4:42pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
In reply to: simplyfwb
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 5:43pm

I'm confused...and I don't mean for the following to sound snarky at all...after all, I am in an A w/ a MM.


Are you upset that your AP is leaning on another female for emotional support? OR are you wondering how those of us in A's w/ MM think the wife would feel about their man leaning on another female for emotional support?


I have a MM leaning on me all the time for emotional support, and I'm 110% certain his W would not appreciate that he relies on me for that :) If you're upset that your AP is leaning on yet another female for probs in your A....welcome to the world of A's...it's almost comical to expect honesty or that there aren't others. But

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
In reply to: simplyfwb
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 6:08pm

I can understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2010
In reply to: simplyfwb
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 6:30pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
In reply to: simplyfwb
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 9:40pm

i can see how you'd want to feel protective/possesive about him.. but, he's single.. and you are married and having

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2010
In reply to: simplyfwb
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 10:28pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
In reply to: simplyfwb
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 11:05pm
OK...thanks for the clarification :) Bottom line: yes, it would bug me. But I think nevereasy brought up some good points and questions you need to ponder. You two really need to talk...on the one hand, he's single, so it's hard to say you have the "right" to be annoyed by this, BUT he is in a relationship w/ you, and if he treats you in a way that annoys you...gonna have to tell him. If he wants the relationship, too, concessions often have to be made. Good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: simplyfwb
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 8:54am

I am a MW in an A with a single guy. For me personally, this would not bug me. But I'm me and you are you and we will have different feelings about things. We also have feelings that we might not have a "right" to feel - for instance jealousy about a single AP when we are married - but we feel them anyway. Feelings can not necessarily be controlled, but what we do about them can be thought about and controlled. I agree with Kimber that if it does bother you you should tell him, and then he will either reassure you about her or promise to stop talking about you with her OR tell you this is something he will not give up, and why. Any time someone does something in any relationship that's a "deal breaker", we have a choice to leave.

I know you really just asked if you had a "right" to feel this way, and like I said, feelings are feelings and one just has them. Do you have a "right" to ask him to stop discussing you with her? Yes. Do you have a "right" to ask him to stop being friends with her? Probably not, but you can ask and he can decide.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
In reply to: simplyfwb
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 9:37am

simplyfwb, I can somewhat relate to your situation.

I'm a married man in an affair with a single woman. She just finalized a divorce recently, and is really enjoying the single life. We have become pretty close emotionally, though, and my situation is a bit reversed from yours ... we talk about things that we don't talk about with anyone else, but she is out sleeping with other guys when I'm not available.

I hate to admit it sometimes, but this makes me jealous. I would like nothing more than for her to sleep and spend time with me or only me, but that's a selfish thought ... i obviously can't ask her for exclusivity with me when I have to spend most of my time with my wife and family.

It doesn't make it any easier, but that's the nature of an A with a single person. I'm pretty new to this, so I'm still learning how to deal with it. I'll let you know how things work out.

Best of luck ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
In reply to: simplyfwb
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 2:57pm

I don't mean to high jack this thread but what you just said really concerns me, for you!


I too am single, in a long-term R with a MM....as well as just having finalized my divorce. But you know what? It really worries me that your AP is enjoying her newfound freedom by sleeping with multiple partners...it really does.


I know you're a grown man, and you know what's what...but I also know how caught up you can get when you're in the throes of this kind of R, especially since I can tell by your post that you seem to be totally enthralled with this woman.


What I'm trying to say is that I hope you're protecting yourself (and your W) in the appropriate manner. I'm by no

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
In reply to: simplyfwb
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 3:16pm

I would be bothered 100%. My A is emotional and physical.If it was just sex,I wouldnt mind but since we are emotionally attached as well and now if my AP ( he is S too)was talking or taking 'advice' from other woman/women ,I wouldnt like it AT ALL.There are many reasons to feel this.Where is the privacy of emotions which are yours??
Each to his/her own but most women would feel offended.Just like some MW are offended by being called 'cake-eaters' while others are proud to be one.The one who is not,might get hurt by it as she is stuck in the middle with no ground under her feet.
If my AP ever did that,I would tell him to stop.I DO have a right on him even though I am MW and he is S.If he wants to sleep around etc. just because I am M ,well,then,HE chose to be with me and since he has made a choice,it gives me a right.Most women will not agree with me here but thats my life and its working for me and my AP.He too has given me the right and I accept it.

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