OPINIONS NEEDES

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
OPINIONS NEEDES
14
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 8:17am
Hi ladies (and gentlemen) I don't post often but I read everything and like the advice and support given here. I have a situation I'd like some opinons on. I'm single and in a LDEMA with a MM. Most of our communication is via e-mail, but when he's away on business somewhere overnight he calls. The next time he goes away in August he wants to heighten our phone experience and he's asked me to send him something particular. He wants me to send him a pair of my panties (to the hotel he'll be staying at) so that when we talk he'll have both the sound and smell of me right there with him. As he put it "so near and yet so far".

As we've been involved for over three years, I don't really have a problem with this and admit that the thought of it turns me on too. However, I guess I have some nagging reservations about it to even be asking for opinions and would particularly like opinions form the males here.

Have any of your MM's ever asked for something like this? Would you/have you ever given him a pair of your panties? And for the males here, if you asked your OW to do that and she did, would your opinion of her change in anyway? Is there something just a bit tacky about this or am I worrying too much?

The other thing is that he would dispose of this item before he went home. On the one hand I'm pleased that he's not the type of male that would take such an item home and secret it away somewhere (that, IMO would be really tacky)! But on the other hand, I wonder about the symbolism of something so personal being consigned to a Detroit hotel dustbin of ilicit pleasures - almost like what we'll share is just as disposable as the item itself.

So, what do you all think? Any and all opinions will be appreciated.

Thank you.

~cheshire

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 8:31am
Hi Cheshire,

If you are hesitating about his request, then don't do it. Have you yourself answered the questions in your last post?

Will your opinion change of yourself? Do you think this siuation is tacky? Does the thought of disposing your personals make the R feel disposable?

If you've been together for 3 years and the R is relatively health, then I can't imagine there is a problem. Still, I'm sure even sexier would be you in the flesh! Any chance you could surprise MM?

Best,

Alameda

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 9:27am
Hi Alameda, thanks for your response. I'd love to be able to surprise him with myself instead of an item of clothing (and I know it would totally blow his mind if I did), but unfortunately that's not possible at this time.

Yes, I have asked myself all those questions. I know our relationship isn't disposable or about to be disposed of regardless of whether or not I send the requested item. Given the length and depth of the relationship we share, I don't really feel tacky doing it, but I guess I do worry a little about what he'll think afterwards. Like, will he view me as being cheap in some way or will it cheapen our relationship? And of course, if I asked him that question he would vow and declare that he'd never think that of me and would then chastize me for thinking such a thing.

But, he's a only male after all (LOL!!) - and rocket science would be easier to understand sometimes. I think what's nagging at me is that if I do send them, I'll do so because I want so very much to share everything with him and give him pleasure in whatever way I can - but worry for him that it will just be some cheap sexual thrill.

Does that make sense?

~chesire

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 9:36am
hi chesire,

I don't see anything wrong with the whole idea at all. You've been with him for 3 years, that's a long time. I honestly don't think it would be a cheap thrill for him, it's probably just an erotic turn-on for him, and to be honest...although ALOT of the things I do make me feel 'cheap' some of the times, I think I could pretty much do that without reservation (as if I have alot anyway, lol) But you have to do what makes you comfortable and if you aren't comfortable doing it, just tell him so..I'm sure he'll totally understand (although they are stupid as sh** sometimes). I really don't think he'll think less of you either way, I really don't. Just be sure to go buy a really sexy pair (and if it were me...I'd even include some other Nasty outfit...etc<< then again that's me, which doesn't surprise me) you could even get two pair of the same kind and wear one and send him the other. I mean if that's all you got for right now, go ahead and experience it with him, no one will know but the two of you....AND all of us on this board :0) lol. I wouldn't worry too much about him having to throw them away either, he'll probably hate that part worse than you. I have to do the same thing whenever my MM gives me a rose, letter etc., as I don't want to get caught right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 9:40am
OM loovvveeessssssss my panties. He took a pair home with him (well, two pairs). He works in a male-dominated technical field... I envision him out in the field, standing next to the heavy machinery he designs, teaching customers, observing the machinations, answering questions, solving problems, all with a pair of lacy green panties on his head. Hence the latest term of endearment, Pantyhead. (He calls me Pantyless.) Pug
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 9:51am
I think you have to feel comfortable doing this, if you have any reservations don't send them and I am sure MM will understand. I don't think MM's request is outragous, my OM (who is single) has several of my thongs among other things (I love to shop at Victoria Secrets) at his house, it doesn't bother me in the least. Sometimes I order things and have them shipped right to his apt. Good luck in whatever you decide.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 10:02am
Hey cheshire,

I doubt it will dub you as cheap. Had it only been 3 months in, rather than 3 years, that might be more plausible, but you know where you two are...

You say you want to give him pleasure in any way you can--does he do the same for you? Do you vocalize what it is you want/need?

I don't know about you, but I'm more comfortable giving, rather than getting pleasure. But then I catch myself in a routine, where the joy of giving wears off and I'd much prefer getting, or at least giving/getting equally...this pattern seems to develop in a lot of my Rs. Not sure if that is clear, but that is the thought I've been wrestling with lately.

I'm afraid I have strayed from your question!

Alameda

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 10:14am
When my MM goes away on business trips I sometimes pack him little care packages, which include cards/envelopes for every night that he is away. The card may be silly, or sappy, or in-between. Sometimes I pack little gifts, like candles, or a tiny knick-knack that when he looks at it, he'll think of me and smile. And yes, I've even sent panties/thongs with my perfume sprayed on them. I'm not sure what he does with them. But he likes everything I do. Sometimes i pack away his favorite magazine to read, and sometimes I even take little pictures and burn them to a CD so he can look at them as well. I never ever in a million years thought I would do this type of thing - but it becomes kind of fun and exciting for me preparing it as well. He appreciates everything I do and I think he's kept everything I've sent. I don't think he thinks its cheap - he thinks it's thoughtful. So, in addition to the panties, you might consider a card, a knick knack, or something he can put on his nightstand, other than your panties, that he can look at and think of you and smile. I think they like this kind of stuff - though they would never admit it in a million years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 10:19am
I think that the only thing that matters is how YOU feel about it. How do YOU feel about it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 11:21am
This thread is getting interesting and so is Yogachick. wow I am amazed! LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 11:22am
Pug, LOL. I tried imagining that too, and it was too funny.

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