OT..but SOOOOOO happy!
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| Tue, 03-02-2010 - 4:27pm |
This is totally off topic, yet will probably turn out to be a GREAT help to me....
I WAS JUST OFFERED A FULL-TIME JOB!!!!!
You have no idea how happy I am right now...I can hardly believe it myself. Can you imagine how awful it feels to not be able to find a job for over a year? Seriously, my last date worked was January 15, 2008! I do clean my building on a regular basis, but it takes very little time (40 minutes max) and is basically pocket change.
Besides the financial implications, one of the main reasons I really wanted a job was to, somehow, start thinking about something else other than my AP/BF and our relationship. I always felt that I wouldn't feel so lonely if I had something to do during the day, KWIM? Plus, being jobless really does a number on one's self-esteem...which has already taken a beating from my A with MM AP/BF! I also think it will be extremely beneficial in helping me stop drinking as much as I have been.
The job is with a local lawyer...and I starte in 2 days! Tee-hee, now I can totally justify a little "shopping therapy" as I don't have the enough clothes for this job :0) Silver linings everywhere!!
Anyway, I just wanted to post something happy and hopeful. I feel very, very, badly about my last post....I'm very sorry that I worried anyone and hope you accept my apologies.
Thanks again for being here MAS, u have been a rock in my world for a while now...and I appreciate everyone here.
benska
LOL...last day of work was Jan/09, NOT 2008! The days have just melded into one another!
Edited 3/2/2010 5:33 pm ET by benska2003

Ty, ty, ty!
I can just feel the black cloud of depression lifting inch by inch, what a tremendous feeling!
Oooh Benska,
I'm so happy for you!! I was hoping you would find something soon. I think this is going to be a wonderful time for you. Make sure you write and tell us about your first day. Congratulations!!
Congratulations Benska!!! Big hugs and good luck for you first day!!!
We look forward to hearing stories now about things turning around in all areas of your life and this is the perfect start :)
SB
Wow Benska! I am so happy for you!
I read your other post. The one where you talked about trying to swallow some pills. I'm glad that you got a job. Hopefully, that will help you feel better about your situation. But I just wanted to say that it's not going to change things where your AP is concerned. He's still going to be married, you're still going to be the OW that left your life for him. I don't know your whole story. I only know what you posted. But he told you he was with an ex-AP for 10 years! What does that tell you? If it were me, it would be telling me that there's no way in hell he's ever going to change his marital status for another woman. It would be telling me that he's comfortable having an affair. It would be telling me that this is his M.O. It would be telling me to get out of the situation, come hell or high water. Unless you're happy with it being the way it is, which it doesn't sound like.
On the flipside, he expects you to not so much as look at another man. OMG...ugh...this guy is such a pompous, self-righteous A-hole. What about someone like this could you possibly find to be so in love with? Can't you see what is staring you in the face? I feel for you. I really do. You can find happiness if you let yourself. It just won't be with this serial cheater.
Hi sillyme12000,
I understand what you're saying, and I can't say I completely disagree with you. It was very irresponsible of me to pull that crap with the pill and I wish I'd never mentioned it here. I really just wanted to get so buzzed that I could just forget about all the bullsh*t, KWIM?
Yeah, I was pretty wrecked when he told me about his last AP....I had really thought that I was the only one that he felt like that about....and I AM. I have always been upfront in saying that I'm not the only person he's ever had an affair with, he started when he'd only been married for a couple of years. I can't even blame him, his wife is a very cold fish and she hurt him terribly...why they just didn't divorce back then is beyond me, and shall forever remain a mystery. Anyway, without going into details...this man has shared his deepest, darkest, most painful secret with me. He spends days upon days upon days with me. He's not done this with ANY OTHER WOMAN. Also, I'm darn sure that not one of them has met two of his brothers like I have.
Yeah, I know he's not going to ever leave his wife...I knew that right from the beginning. I can hope and wish and pray that it changes, but underneath I know the score. I didn't leave my husband thinking that he would leave his wife, that was never a consideration. I just couldn't continue living with my H, when I was so much in love with another man...I just couldn't.
My hope is that this job will provide me great personal growth, and maybe I will discover, and finally accept, that I do deserve to have a man who will make me a priority in his life....I don't plan on living like this forever.
benska
Hi everyone!
Thanks so much for all your best wishes, it really means a lot.
Well, today was one week on the job and I feel GREAT! It's a huge learning curve, and I've received next to no training, but I feel quite confident that I can do it..no, that I WILL do it.
It really helps that my boss and I hit it off, and I think we'll do quite well together. I didn't mention, but the job is to cover a mat leave, but we all know how those can turn out! Regardless of how long it lasts, I will have some more experience to fall back on, and you have no idea how good that feels!
I feel good and strong and confident...it's amazing. AP/BF is very happy for me too. We haven't argued in I don't know how long! LOL
Anyway, thanks again for all the good thoughts...you are all amazing women (and men) and don't ever forget it!
benska