Over after all these yrs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Over after all these yrs
26
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 9:05pm
I still can't believe that after all these years, it's over. My situation is one that SM could not handle anymore. He put up a good front for along time but he couldn't do it any longer. Can I blame him? I have an H, small kids, my mom lives with us...he is a single man. I know he had to do this. I've often told him he should find someone he could build a life with, but he always told me I was who he wanted ,so he kept busy with friends, work, sports, motorcycle riding, always busy when I was unavailable, but I guess it finally got to be too much for him. I miss him. We've been through so much in all this time it's weird not running to him. It hurts.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 9:41pm
I'm so sorry Tangled, i know how hard this is, my situation is similar to yours, only SM was married and did have children, did you ever contemplate to jump the fence? And do you think you will ever fish, or will you set him free?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 9:57pm

Aww, I'm sorry.  How many years was it again?  Do you think he will really stay away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 9:58pm
I've set him free. This was no kind of life for him. He struggled a long time and it finally got the best of him. He deserves someone who he can be with and build a life with. I know it's the right thing, but that doesn't make the hurt less :-( I just miss him so damn much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 10:05pm
Over 11years....and yes I do think he will stay away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2012
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 4:25am
You did the honorable thing Tangled, 11 years is such a long time, but I can see how time drifts so quickly having been in mine for close to 4 years. Was AP ever married? Did you ever have a dday? If you never did, feel blessed, that it ended this way. Only time will lessen the pain you are going through right now, try to keep yourself busy and surround yourself with people. I wish you peace and quick healing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 7:36am
((((Hugs)))) tangled, this is a hard thing deal with for both of you. Time touches everything. I wish you peace in your journey.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 8:54am
Honorable? Nah....he ended it for his legitimate reasons,I just didn't fight to try to change his mind. No one can be expected to be ok with this forever. Time does change everything eventually. He was married for a short time when he was younger, before I ever met him. Never had a d-day, thank goodness. I am trying to keep busy, but I keep checking my phone for a text from him! It's been the norm for so long, it's a habit of sorts...hard to break! It's crazy because I'm miserable without him and I know he is as well. But because I know it's the right thing, I have to somehow get through each day and eventually it will start to get easier. I read somewhere a long time ago that a habit is formed after 30days of doing whatever it is. To break a habit you have to do the same thing but in reverse....not doing whatever it is for 30 days. Well it's actually been one full day so far. Even though we've been officially ended for about a month, we have emailed off and on . We did have a few days of nc about 2 weeks ago but he broke and texted again. This time I feel it's for real though and nc has begun again. Cold turkey is the only way to go. I can't be in contact with him and remain friends. It's too hard. What sucks is that I lose my best friend as well as my intimate partner. It was always so much more than sex though, we enjoyed each others company, and enjoyed having fun and just being together, even when we didn't have intimate time. At least school starting back and I will be busy with the kids...homework, sports etc. thank goodness for the normal part of my life
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 9:36am
Tangled, throw yourself into one new thing. Something that challenges you or occupies your mind. I took up crafts, exercise and then geo-caching, each new thing brought me clarity and helped me know I could find good things. One step at a time.

Visit the AAS board awesome after A gals and guys there, who have traveled this path. We each have our own journey but there are others who will teach out a helping hand. As do the people on MAS.
~Sunny~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 11:10am
Thanks. I think I see some home improvement projects coming up!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 11:22am
My relationship with H is ok. Nothing to write home about but not miserable either. We can do things together and have fun. How I feel about it is that I love my H but I am in love with SM. somehow I have to get that inlove feeling transferred from SM back to my H. Possibly the ending of my long term A will allow me to work on that. Anyway, it sounds good as I'm writing it! Bthlman, I'm sorry you're going through this too. It does suck! May I ask how/why did your A end?

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