An PA to and EA or Other Way Around...
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| Wed, 09-08-2010 - 10:12am |
Im just curious how your A went. I guess I figured that all A's started as PA's and over time, emotions and such would develop with the person so then in addition to being physical, it would also turn to an EA.
At least that is how mine (and previous A) were. It was all about the lacking physical part at home, connections were made in person, then after seeing AP more often, realized how great he was in general, how great I felt (not just physical) and then became/become attached to the person...not just the sex.
However, I have read from others on here who are in an EA and I believe I read something about no sex yet. How does the EA happen first or how did it happen for you? I've concluded that woman don't know how to have emotionless sex. Well, at least not this woman. A guy friend told me men just need a place to have sex, woman need a reason & a feeling.

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We did discuss things. I just told him it was more work than I wanted it to be. Things with us used to be fun, and effortless. And now they were strained and boring. We don't really talk about feelings towards each other. It's obvious there is an attraction there and that we obviously like each other enough to be here, but beyond that we don't talk feelings. When we had the talk we agreed that we would just go back to friends, keep things light and see where they went from there. I just told him I couldn't continue to open myself up and allow myself to be vulnerable, so in that reason, it was off. I wasn't out of the friendship, but I was out of the allowing myself to continually be open to him. That was about 2 weeks before I came home. During those 2 weeks we had talked occasionally, but nothing like we had been. He didn't know what day I was coming home, ironically he sent me an email that morning asking what I was up to - I text him back I was just coming through baggage claim. He said "Oh, you're home, now?" I said yep. And after that contact picked up a lot. The next week he said something, and we saw each other that night. It was quite awkward the first night, then I saw him the next night and isn't wasn't as awkward, but it wasn't normal either. After those 2 nights communication picked up rapidly. Now we are seeing each other about 2-5 times a week depending on the week. Not long periods of time, but short spurts. While we have kissed, it hasn't gone further than that. We do a lot of talking and teasing and playing around when we see each other. It is quite hard to keep our hands to ourselves and while we do touch each other, it isn't anything really sexual, playful hits - things like that.
I think we are both past the guilt stage. We know we can live with what we have done so far and we are progressing - very slowly, which we have discussed. We don't want to rush things because we don't know how things will turn out once we go a certain distance.
I have also backed off a lot. I wasn't clingy or anything like that, but I was always open to seeing him. Now I play hard to get a bit. I don't answer his texts/emails right away. We usually see each other at night, some nights I don't text him back after he emails me and I will email him the next morning. I think what it came down to was he knew he was going to miss the rapport we had built between us. I was always available, now I am not, to him.
Started off as friendship.
anotherseyes
You might be surprised how much he misses you and the contact. That was one thing that totally surprised me about AP. When I really pulled back and said I thought friends was better, that is when things picked up. I think he was scared to lose (although, he'd NEVER admit it) what we have/had, whatever that may be.
I found allowing myself to be open to him at all times was just too much. I was always available, not because I don't have things to do, but because my life does sorta revolve around my phone. I can't get by w/o it anymore. Apple is an evil thing! When I pulled myself back and he knew I wasn't completely open to it anymore is when he put himself out there. For a long time while I was out of town he said we wouldn't see each other until we got back together for our work project. That lasted a week.
I think you should pull back a little bit, let him see what is going on in his head, let him see where things are in his mind, and if he can get by w/o seeing/speaking to you often. It was hard at first for me - not because I was in love with him, but because I was used to the "habit". I was used to talking to him daily. But it got easier as those 2 weeks went on and even now, I can let the phone sit and do things and answer him when I get a minute instead of jumping right on it.
I think I (we) hijacked this post-so sorry to the original poster! I think your suggestions are good ones. Before he leaves next week and we have our final chat about what is going on, if he is still unsure about what he wants when we talk, I think the "okay let's just be friends thing" is a good way to end things at this point. I will just kind of lay low and see how long it takes for him to get in touch.If he wants more, he'll let me know and that might be the motivation he needs-me not being so available, me not wanting it anymore. If he is okay with the just friends thing, then at least I won't be in limbo because I will take him at his word, not his actions. If wants things to change, he will have to clear and sure.
I hope things continue to go well for you and AP too. I'll update when I have something to say either way.
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