The pain...it's unbearable

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
The pain...it's unbearable
40
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 9:12pm

I've posted a few times here.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 9:27pm

are you looking for him to end it? would you like to end it? i realize that he is M but it appears as though he is sacrificing a lot to reach out to you. have you made a list of the pros and cons? i know this sounds silly but when someone (my A) is calling the phone over and over again, i find that weighing my benefits/pains truly helps me understand what i am getting myself into.


i am sure you know all of this already but it’s so hard to think about moving on, plan moving on...take the steps toward moving on - if you are no ready/clear/sure.


i wish that the pain takes a back seat while you are able to rationalize the situation. i myself have been doing this since Christmas eve.


best, olive

~Olive
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 9:40pm

Hi Olive,


Thanks for your insight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 12:00am

I really admire you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 9:30am

people on here have a tendancey to tell other's what to do no matter whether or not they are writing as if they are coming off in a careful or sensitive way....that would be someone who's been hurt by an "a" or who was in one and is dealing with the aftermath...i've noticed that about folk here....and sometimes i can agree with some of those things and sometimes not....


you have to do what makes you happy honey...if being with him

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 12:39pm

people on here have a tendancey to tell other's what to do no matter whether or not they are writing as if they are coming off in a careful or sensitive way....that would be someone who's been hurt by an "a" or who was in one and is dealing with the aftermath...i've noticed that about folk here....and sometimes i can agree with some of those things and sometimes not....


I don't know if this was directed at me, but it feels as if it was


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 12:58pm

no, i think people should not be judged or told that what they are doing is wrong.....whether that comes with cotton or sandpaper..it's all the same...

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 1:21pm

i cannot tell you how to support someone, i can only support


Avatar for moondesert
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 1:27pm
I think your advice and support was very appropriate, withclarity. The OP is ready to move on and asked for encouragement and support in that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2008
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 7:04pm

I admire your decision to end your A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 7:53pm

Sounds like he's already checked out of his M. Would it be a different outcome if he will totally get out of his M? You're right in realizing that it's NOT appropriate for the two of you to come out of the closet while he's still M. And it's very disrespectful to his W and kids if he just flops you into their lives as the OW. So, have you expressed to him how things might be different if he got a D?

Otherwise, if he's NOT willing to get a D (for whatever reason) then you're better off removing yourself out of the equation and I applaud you for that.



Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com

Pages