The pain...it's unbearable

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
The pain...it's unbearable
40
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 9:12pm

I've posted a few times here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 1:32pm

tgrbabe aka momma of the board....i completely get what you are saying....


all A's are very very different...all advice comes from a different perspective...fresh and new is good and so is experience....i guess coming from the "NEW SCHOOL" so to speak, i tend to

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 1:33pm

Excellent post Tgr!


Pretty is there no hope that he would leave his M?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 4:10am

I'm throwing my 2 cents with tyger.

i've posted in the past, been lurking for the past few months, dropped off because i'm tired of trolls and because i see how the board embraces posters who would not give support to an affair under any circumstances. i have read Clarity's posts on other boards over the years which lead me to believe she is not sympathetic to any affair ever period. while on this board i am open to opinions that some affairs are bad situations/ that some circumstances are a clear disaster/ that some AP decide it's time to declare an ending, but i am not convinced that a poster who will never support the continuation of an affair can provide support to posters who ARE in an affair. here's a recent example: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmyaffair&msg=55271.59

i strongly feel that MAS has a unique function and should not be blurred with EAS or AS. I could ask any number of people IRL to tell me my affair is wrong and should end. I come (or came) here because it is the ONLY place i can get the perspective of posters who understand why i am in an affair.

as for the original poster, Prettydaintywoman, i hope you received some insights here and come to a place of acceptance with your decision.

autremoi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 7:15am

All I can say about your comment about Clarity is this.....

This is a public board, so I liken it to a store. You go in walk around pick this or that up, and put it in your cart, and continue on w/ your shopping. Choosing things that you need or want, and passing by the other items that are of no use to you, or that you have tried in the past, but didn't care for it once you tried it.

It's the same exact thing w/ ALL the posts on this board, not just Clarity. If someone says something that strikes a cord for you, and you think that perhaps it could help you in your situation then by all means take it and use it. But if you read a posts, or several posts by the same person that doesn't set well w/ you, then don't use it. Go on to the next post and see if there is anything in that one that may help you.

It never ceases to amaze me how some of the people who visit this board want to tell other people how to offer help. I mean if you have all the answers and know that Clarity is ALWAYS wrong then why bother to read her post at all? It takes all types to make this board complete. You can't go to a doctor w/ a problem, and then disregard all the options he gives you. You went there for help, if you don't like him or his bedside manner, or the way that he practices medicine then go to another doctor, but you can't try to shut him down because his methods didn't work for you. I hardly think it fair to say that his methods wouldn't work for anyone.

This board is for everyone, and anyone, and as long as a poster doesn't attack someone or violates any TOS agreement then live, and let live. She has just as much of a right to say how she truly feels, as you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 8:04am
i saw that one too....NO Comment

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 8:07am
justice i understand where you are coming from...i just have a tad bit of an issue with some things posted....you feel me..my perception of it is, that it is NOT support for those IN a relationship..but it is exactly what i said MY PERCEPTION, an opinion,,,,just like booty holes, everyone has one...get me...

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 9:26am

<>

actually, that is not true. According to Important Guidelines: This board is a support community for members who ARE involved in an extramarital affair (EMA). This board is NOT a place to post opinions about infidelity, nor is it designed for individuals whose spouse has been (or is) unfaithful to ask questions. If we go by your definition of who has a right to be here, then any BS can ask questions or post their opinion of how you borrowed her husband. either we have guidelines or we don't - and i see the guidelines of this board getting very fuzzy. i also feel that it is not up to someone outside of an affair to tell me if the guideline has been breached - if someone in an affair voices that perception, that should carry more weight for this community. that was tyger's point and you chose to nullified it.

<>

again, not true in theory. i entered this public store because i wanted discussions with other people IN affairs - that's the theme of the store. like going to the store for shoes, i do not expect to have to wade through a flea market of opinions in unmarked boxes to find footwear among fishing gear and harmonicas and baseball cards..

<>

did you read my caveat? "while on this board i am open to opinions that some affairs are bad situations/ that some circumstances are a clear disaster/ that some AP decide it's time to declare an ending ..." means i am not telling people HOW to offer help. "... but i am not convinced that a poster who will never support the continuation of an affair can provide support to posters who ARE in an affair" means I am concerned with WHO offers their version of help. once again, by the standards you outline anyone should be welcome to post here - even those who think an affair can never be acceptable.

as for advice that doesn't fit me, after over 3 years of reading this board i know what to skip. but it is not always so clear to newcomers. in the last few months, my choice has been to skip the board altogether. that's my choice, that's my opinion and you are entitled to disagree.

autremoi

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 10:58am

Hi there -


We've missed you -


OK - I stated my opinion on this subject pretty clearly yesterday - and I won't rehash except to say - if your theory of only wanting people on this board who are IN affairs holds true - then you would lose some pretty frequent - and to my mind necessary - posters to the board.


That would include myself, BTrue, Rodeogirl

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 11:37am

I have to take issue w/ a few things that you had to say.

"actually, that is not true. According to Important Guidelines: This board is a support community for members who ARE involved in an extramarital affair (EMA). This board is NOT a place to post opinions about infidelity, nor is it designed for individuals whose spouse has been (or is) unfaithful to ask questions. If we go by your definition of who has a right to be here, then any BS can ask questions or post their opinion of how you borrowed her husband. either we have guidelines or"

I disagree. While this is a support board for those of us in an A there is no reason that other people can't visit the board as well. Anyone has a right to say something, and ask questions as long as it's in the proper context, and not in a belligerent manner that could be construed as an attack. I hardly think that a member would get kicked off simply because they are curious, and want to ask questions as long as the questions are appropriate and not demeaning in nature. While I know that some of the things that we do are considered immoral by others I have nothing to hide. I'm not one of those people that come here expecting a pat on the back when perhaps I need a slap upside the head. Everything in life is not all peaches and cream, and when you are doing something that is wrong then you should expect to get called out for it. If that's too much for you, then perhaps YOU don't belong here.

"that was tyger's point and you chose to nullified it."

First of all you really should know the definition of a word before you use it.

To nullify means to give no value to something. If you know anything about Tygereze and I you would know that I see value in the things that she says, and I value her opinions. So you might want to be careful throwing around big words that you don't understand.

"again, not true in theory. i entered this public store because i wanted discussions with other people IN affairs - that's the theme of the store. like going to the store for shoes, i do not expect to have to wade through a flea market of opinions in unmarked boxes to find footwear among fishing gear and harmonicas and baseball cards."

You make it sound as if Clarity is monopolizing the board, and cluttering it up w/ foolish, and inappropriate posts. Just because she doesn't say what YOU think she should say doesn't mean that her opinion isn't valid, and doesn't belong here. That's strictly your opinion, which carries absolutely no weight w/ me.

As far as the rest of your post it's all opinion, one that I disagree w/, and don't care to waste my time addressing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2008
Sat, 01-03-2009 - 12:07pm

<>

thanks, i've already figured that out.

i guess not everyone IS welcome and there ARE rules - just not the ones that are posted.

back to where i understood the game plan,
autremoi