Part 1 of The Talk
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| Fri, 06-04-2010 - 10:07am |
Hi everyone
So just an update. My work contract is over next Thursday and I have been having an A with an MM for the past 6 months there. Amazing and intense at first, then about a month and a half ago (around the time of his anniversary) he suddenly started getting distant and then told me he was feeling guilty and nervous about getting caught. But said he wanted to keep seeing me but slow things down and have us be less intense.
Since then, he's either hot or cold with me. With my contract over soon, I need to know what's going to happen after. There is a goodbye lunch arranged for me on my second last day and I had decided I didn't want him there and didn't invite him (if he's cold that day, it would ruin my lunch). But he found out about it and said he was coming. I spazzed, told him I hadn't invited him, and I think I kinda hurt his feelings.
Anyway, I decided that I might as well use this as an opening for the talk. So yesterday was a good day, he was 'hot', kissed me every time he came to my office and we chatted a lot (in fact this whole week was pretty good after I vowed to stop being so available for him) so I said that I was personally inviting him to the lunch but that the reason I hadn't wanted him there was that he was hot or cold with me and I never knew what it was going to be when I came in to work. He totally acknowledged that he was like that. Then I said he was going to have to figure out what he wanted because I was done in a week. I said that with me gone, he wouldn't have to see me on the cold days but that we could still see each other on the hot days.
Now, part of me was hoping he'd right away be like no of course I want to keep seeing you. But I told myself to expect him to have to think about it. I'm trying to say that that's understandable, after all, I did plenty of thinking before I asked him. Also, I want him to think about it and give me an honest answer; I want him to know that he can handle this in his life right now. And, when he told me he was feeling guilty a month and a half ago, he thought about it for a day and came back and said that he still did want to see me. Finally, our talk had to be brief because he had to go to a meeting. But still I wanted an inequivocable YES but I didn't get.
So anyway, he asked if I was expecting an answer right now and I said no. Also keep in mind that this whole conversation went pretty well in terms of it being light and playful but also with a serious point. He pulled me over and kissed me before he left.
After that though, I realized that I didn't want him dumping me on my last day (Brutal!). I was thinking of leaving him a note but then just decided to leave, when I ended up running into him while he was walking to his meeting. We joked and chatted in the hall and then right before I got into the elevator, I said hey final thought, don't dump me on my last day cause that would really suck. And he playfully pushed me and was like shut up, I'm not going to dump you, get outta here! All the while smiling.
So that's where things are at this point. I am CAUTIOUSLY, RESERVEDLY optimistic. I wonder if he is going to tell me he wants to still see me, but that it can't be frequent (and is probably going to have to be more on his terms which is frustrating). But at this point, I just want to keep seeing him so much that I can deal with that.
I'm just curious to hear everyone's thoughts and if anyone has any advice.
My other question is, if we do keep seeing each other, I want things to be BETTER. Like I want us to regain some of what we had in the beginning, the flirting, the closeness, totally in to each other. I don't want this restrained hot and cold. How do I deal with that? Maybe that's something that will come with a bit of distance and when he's 'hot' and wants to see me for sure. I don't know.
What do you all think?

I hope things work out for you and that you can continue to see him if that's what you truly want.
The hot/cold thing is exactly what made me decide to stop seeing my former AP.