Patience has never been a strength of mine

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2012
Patience has never been a strength of mine
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 10:46pm

Cowboy and his W figured out the details of their D and they're getting papers drawn up.  He'll be single by the end of the year.  She told him she wanted to leave as friends and understood that they were at two different points in their lives (he's still wanting adventure and she just wants to settle in and enjoy the grandkids).  He talked to 3 of the 5 kids.  Told me that two said "it happens" but hasn't said anything about the daughter.  He also talked to his brother, sister and niece.  The brother told him that he hoped he didn't slip into depression so Cowboy told him about me.  He also told his sister and niece about me.  They were all happy for him and want to meet me.  His sister was excited that he found someone that likes to ride horses as much as they do and his brother was impressed that I would be willing to go fishing with them, albeit I'd be taking a book just in case ha.

He came by today and talked for hours.  I love watching him talk about us.  His eyes light up and he looks so incredibly happy.  The look on his face when he asked me if I knew how to drive a tractor and I said yes still makes me chuckle.  And when I pointed out that the tractor he has is the very one I learned how to drive when I was 12, I thought he was going to break into song.  I think it made him fall for me a little more hehe.  

And omg, he wants to meet my parents.  That made me laugh out loud.  I told him that I think it would be better if I actually got divorced first and then maybe a month or so after.  My parents will eat him alive.  My brother will eat him alive.  I have to mentally prepare myself for the private talk I'm going to have to have with them before they meet him.  He is the complete opposite of H.  That in itself will shock them, although I doubt it'll shock them beyond words.

So now all I want is to be single by the end of the year so I can stop hiding.  I want to fall asleep in his arms.  I want to meet his family.  i want to curl up next to him on the couch and watch tv with him.  I want to take care of him.  I love this man and I want people to see us together and see how happy we make each other :)  

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 11:38am

Cowgirl, first, amazing news, and I'm truly happy for you..Smile

Second, I've asked you before I believe: how long have you and Cowboy been together..?

You sound 'truly madly deeply' in fresh-new-butterflies-in-stomach love. It's beautiful, nothing in the world's more beautiful, no feeling, and no possession. So does he. I hope from the bottom of  my heart that you both end up single in a few short months and get together 'for real'. I just want to urge you to be catious, that's all. No matter how the love story starts, the butterflies eventually leave for warmer climates..(or is it birds?). Smile  Real life does happen, eventually. Getting up for work, paying bills, talking to banks, coming home exhausted, housework, cooking, laundry, duties, responsibilities, obligations... you both have children, do you not? You would be joining two families..several lives. It's not the easiest thing to do.

Do you KNOW know him, the way he truly is -  when he's sad, mad, tired, hurting physically or emotionally? Drunk,  ill, annoyed, cranky, fed up, angry? Have you ever spent a  weekend/week together? Have you ever tried adding 20 more years of life experience, both good and bad, on top of what you have as at today, and working out how you would feel inside and who you'd be then? Do you and him talk about your age difference and what it can potentially mean?

I am not in any way saying that what you have together can't or won't work. I'm saying that there is no knowing whether it will. All you can do is try, do what you're doing,  and hope.  'Cross your fingers and keep on dreaming' or smth similar, as per Tracy Chapman...

My last question to you would be: Cowboy and Cowgirl and all, would I be correct to assume you're both into similar types of country music?  Smile Do you have your favourite tracks, both you and him, the same ones? (I'm not into it myself but find some country songs cool....)



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2012
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 1:43pm

We've known each other for nearly three years, close for the last year and took the plunge (so to speak) in August.  So new in one respect but really, not so new other than the physical contact.

His children are all grown and out on their own.  My own ..well that remains to be seen.  I do know that for now, my kids are staying put in the house they have always known and in the school district that benefits them the most.  Their special needs make it a unique situation.  I've already gotten flack over it from a couple of friends but rather than explain it, I decided that since they judged first and didn't ask questions, they didn't deserve an explanation.

Yep, I've seen him mad, sad, exhausted, hurt.  I won't see him drunk because he doesn't drink.  I know his health issues, his fears, his dreams and his pet peeves.  The age thing doesn't bother either of us.  I could die tomorrow just as easily as he could.  Life is full of uncertainties.  I think of him at 90 and there's never been hesitation that I want to be the one taking care of him.  My friends (all 10-30 years older than me) have always said that I'm an old soul.  I was just raised by two awesome parents that taught me a lot about how to handle life.  I also got my wild oat sewing in early ;)  As for laundry, cooking, cleaning, bills etc.  We've talked about that more than once.  Triple loader washer (woo hoo), I love to cook (have cooked lunch for him several times already), we both clean as we go and neither of us have debt beyond my truck & his farm.  We've talked about our relationships with our exes after the divorces too.  I think we've both learned a lot from the obvious failures that led up to the destruction of our marriages and are trying very hard not to repeat mistakes (like not communicating, assuming that you don't have to say "I love you" every day, not listening to each other etc).  And yes, we spent a long weekend together in October.  

I'm going to live on my own for a while and we're definitely going to enjoy the time when we can be a real couple first.

You know, it's funny because I used to listen to country a lot.  Grew up with the old school stuff.  I stopped until I bought a truck this year and the country started slipping back through.  He started listening to it again when he heard I had the local country station on one day.  Neither of us are religious about it though.  We both like Clapton, Tom Petty, Bon Jovi, and music like that.  I chuckled when "Free Fallin'" came on the radio and he said, "that's my favorite Petty song."  Of course it is.  It's always been mine as well.  There's some stuff that he likes that I don't like (in many categories) and vice versa but nothing that absolutely grates on either of our nerves.

He told his mom about me and showed her my picture today.  She thinks I'm pretty and said she knew there was a girl making him happy again.  I think I love her already.  He also told the rest of his family and surprisingly not a single one of them has issue with him or me.  Part of me is relieved and part of me wonders how bad his W must be if they're all happy that she's gone and he found me Surprised

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 11:08pm

I think it's funny that he got excited cause you could drive a tractor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 3:51am

Hey Musiclover, Rocklady here, winking from the other board, hehe! By the way, a question here - with all respect,  what are you doing on an affairs board? What i read in your posts is that you neither are currently in an affair nor ever had an affair in your entire life so far?? 

@Cowgirl: Cowgirl, i too have followed your story and like you from what i read :). I wish you all the best things in the world for your developing RL- relationship with your Cowboy :)!


Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 10:23am

Cowgirl ~ Your posts always make me smile.  Things seem to be going great for you both, and I hope it continues!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2012
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 10:41am

Hi, I'm "new" here.  I was reading your posts and feel similar to your situation.  I have 4 kids I share with 2 exes.  (2 with each).  My BF is going through a divorce and he and I are just out in the open now.  His family has just been finding out about us and his divorce. They are all very happy for him and have told him that they would've left his wife many years ago (they were married 17 years).  They have no kids which is lucky for me, but I still feel like this divorce is going to take forever.  I've been divorced so I know the process, but mine involved kids.  I just need a way to get over my anxiety of all of this.  I posted already my overall story if you are interested.