Patience while waiting for him to leave?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Patience while waiting for him to leave?
4
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 7:43pm

My MM of 3 years has decided to divorce W. The plan is that one of them will move out in a couple months, they'll sell the house, then we can move on with our life. Because we work together, we still have to be discreet for a while.

He says he's not pushing her; he really wants her to feel like it's a mutual decision to D - I understand b/c I did the same thing with when I ended my M (many years ago, unrelated to this). I think she's still fighting for him and not coming to grips with the D. He says if she continues this way, he'll have to have a blunt conversation with her later, but doesn't want to jam it down her throat. I KNOW he's done and trying to be kind which is better for us down the road (they have a kid together so she'll be around forever).

In short, I understand and am trying to be supportive (what's a couple months?) but am dying...sooooooooo not being patient. I soooooo want our life to start! And, of course, I'm scared that he'll change his mind even though he's been firm and clear, to his friends as well as me that it's over (his friends are SO sick of her insanity).

I'm asking for tips on being patient. If I ask him 10x a day to reassure me I'll be a psycho (ha!) but certainly not supportive. And it's not good for my mental health to be thinking of them/her all the time. Is it possible this is the hardest part we've been through in our A so far because we're so close??? Any tips are greatly appreciated!

Thanks!

Kadie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 8:05pm

Be impatient here. Vent here. Write him letters and post them here, then delete them from your e-mail. We'll be here to hold your hands... AWAY from sending those e-mails and texts, or making those calls!

It's human nature to feel impatient. Just don't let him see it. He's doing everything he can to make the transition easier and he won't need you sharing your impatience with him, so come on here and let it all out. It'll help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 9:52pm
Fabulous advice... thanks! And thanks for understanding!
Avatar for earnhardt_jr_fan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 11:30pm

This is very difficult. I bet my AP/BF would actually tell you this part sucks. LOL! It's hard to politely end a marriage - no matter the reason for it ending.

Be patient with him. Be supportive of him. Listen to him when he's happy, sad, angry or just plain out of sorts. He's probably just as impatient as you are for this part of his life to be over, but rarely is it quick or easy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Tue, 04-27-2010 - 12:16am

I agree with lexi: vent here!