Pensive One, are you out there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Pensive One, are you out there?
43
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 12:00pm
hey pensive - whew girl, it took me all morning to go through all the "why did i want to believe him" thread! you guys were rocking! talk about free speech and all, that was great.


Edited 2/17/2004 2:52:29 PM ET by gurlfriend50

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 12:22pm
Gurl, it's nice to know your story. You give your time to give such good advice here to others. Sounds like you are a staight shooter. Good luck, C
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 12:36pm
hey charlotte -- thanks for the compliment honey! some of my friends take my directness as bossiness, but you know, i've just been there, done that, so i try to just be gentle!

take care,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 2:52pm
Personally, I have never interpretted Gurl's directness, as bossiness - I think CL-Sweet would agree with me that Gurl is one of the many posters on our board that picks up our slack when we're not avaiable to lead the way around here....

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 3:00pm
awww, you say the sweetest things lib! i think i like to step in because my kids are grown and don't need (or listen to!) my advice very frequently, so i'm dispensing it freely here on the board!

not to mention, i feel like the old crone who's been around the block several times. i'm not a know-it-all, but i do feel like i know a bit about dealing with our inner pysches and our men-folk too! lots of money and time spent in therapy over the years AND lots of Rs with those men. whew, i sound like i'm 100!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 8:47pm
Hi Gurl,

Glad you thought about me. Thank you for being so candid and answering the questions I had. Just out of curiosity, do you think BF would want to end the relationship if he found out? Sounds like he is suspicious and you two are still together. But if he found out you were having an A, what do you think he'd do? You say a Big Nope to your's being an open affair. In all the years you and BF have been together, do you think he ever had an affair on you? I know from a previous message, you indicated you have also been cheated on. When you were cheated on in the past (whether it was from your current BF or someone else) why do you think they cheated on you? Because MM's W seen some writings comparing your BF and her H, and because you interact with her and MM once a month, do you think you will ever be found out? Some people can sense such things by noticing a look, nod, you name it. Do you think perhaps MM's W and your BF know something is up but don't want to delve too deeply? I know you have a need MM is fulfilling, as well as you fulfilling his. But do either of you ever feel guilty about your SO's. Do you ever feel bad because MM's W confided in you long time ago about her issues with her H? Does MM ever feel bad because he is an acquaintance of BF? It sounds very unlikely that MM is seeing anyone else (other than you and his W), but what do you think your reaction would be if he had another OW, especially with your pulling back from the relationship? Interesting minds would like to know :0)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 11:45am
hey pensive, once again, you've got me thinking a mile a minute!


Edited 2/17/2004 2:53:56 PM ET by gurlfriend50
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 11:47am
Hi gurl, how you doing? I did not realize that your situation is SO similar to my own. I have an alcoholic H, we never have sex, okay, well maybe 3 times per year. And each time we do, he says something really rotten to me during it, and it always seems to end in an argument (i.e. last week during sex he said "you called me John". Meanwhile, his name is really similar to what he said I called him. Which I didn't say ANY name at all, I never do during sex). Anyhow, he had been drinking of course, and it ended in a huge argument. Like you, I think if I ever got caught, it would maybe make H confront his drinking problem. As far as I think right now, he has his lover (the bottle), well I've got MY lover.

My MM says he has an okay marriage, except W never wants sex, has no interest whatsoever. I think we are really compatible together, we give each other what we need.

Although we had a cooling down this fall, didn't see each other for 8-1/2 weeks then he got ahold of me again. So I'm feeling a little bit cooler sometimes over the relationship also. I kind of waffle back and forth between really wanting to see him, and thinking I should end it. We've been seeing each other going into our 3rd year now, although its supposed to be only for sex, I like to think maybe its a little more. I know it is for me, I'm not sure about him but I think he has some feelings for me, like he says, it wouldn't have gone on for this long otherwise.

But I am still seeing him about once a week same as you, though sometimes I feel that maybe I should end it, when we do get together, I enjoy it so much that I want him again. But like right now, we haven't talked since Dec 22nd, we both had vacation time over the holidays. And I guess this week he's probably really busy catching up at work. It kind of bothers me, but then when he does get in touch, I'll get over it. Take care,

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 12:29pm
dusty -- i've tried twice to reply to your post and it keeps getting wiped out!! i'm really frustrated.

if this one goes through, i'll reply again separately.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 12:30pm
I was having a hard time posting there too.
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 12:35pm

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