Pensive One, are you out there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Pensive One, are you out there?
43
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 12:00pm
hey pensive - whew girl, it took me all morning to go through all the "why did i want to believe him" thread! you guys were rocking! talk about free speech and all, that was great.


Edited 2/17/2004 2:52:29 PM ET by gurlfriend50
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 12:55pm
We don't usually phone each other, when we first started, he would call me at work sometimes. We usually just contact on IM's. I have his cell # but he says he keeps it in his car and I wouldn't know which car or if his W was there. Its okay with me how it is right now, its long distance charges to call each other too (because he's in a different country, I think I told you that before).

Anyways, like today, on my way to work I was thinking maybe I should just keep myself busy with hobbies and stuff and forget about him.

But then I think, I'm too young to live without sex (42). And H is also a functioning alcoholic but sex is not one of his functions lol.

So I think I will continue. I have fond feelings for MM, I wouldn't call it love. I would miss him if I didn't have him. That 8-1/2 weeks hurt alot, but I think it hardened my heart some. I'm not nearly so hyper about our relationship as I used to be, and I can understand if I don't hear from him in a while.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 1:02pm
dusty, you did say MM was in another country -- sorry, i'm getting old and forgetful!!

so im MM and let him know you're thinking about him. don't you think he'll be flattered that you took the time to contact him because he was on your mind?! and i can imagine the pull-back you've done because of that 8.5 weeks of NC -- believe me, i would have ended the A then and there, so you're a much more patient woman than me!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 2:59pm
Usually if he's really busy but in his office I hear from him after 3:30. So I'm going for my break, then when I get back if I don't hear from him, I will send a little message. I do miss him, haven't seen him since Dec 19!!

Take care!!

Dusty

Gee, I hope his New Year's resolution was not to dump me!! Now I'm being paranoid!! I'd better get a large coffee!!

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 3:37pm
whew, dusty, will you just email him already!!

do you really think, in your right mind, that the man would dump you as a resolution!

he's busy since returning from the holidays and you are not demanding any time or attention from him, so you are a low priority right now. remember, honey, the squeaky wheel gets the grease!!

squeak away!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 3:42pm
Okay, okay!! I just sent an email saying I hope he had a nice holiday season and wishing him a Happy New Year. So we'll see ... if he's there I should hear back from him. Wish me luck!! And no, I guess that would be a bad resolution for him!! My resolution is to have more sex!!
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 4:03pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 4:19pm
Well, I haven't heard from him, and I'm leaving soon. He's pretty busy though, he owns a company and might not even be in his office. But I'd better hear from him tomorrow ... or else!!

I'll have to look for a replacement to make my resolution come true!!

No, I wouldn't do that actually. We talked about this before what if we weren't seeing each other. We both said we would not look for another person. In that case I would have to attack H to get what I need, no matter how drunk he is!!

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 4:30pm
you are being so grownup about not hearing from MM directly! i'm proud of you honey.

MM will contact you tomorrow, i'm sure and you can get your fill of him.

if you have to catch H for sex, make sure it's early in the day before the drinking starts. that's why i had to do with BF.

take care and i'll talk to you tomorrow.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 9:42pm
Hi Gurl,

Thanks for your reply. I certainly like to ask and you certainly like to tell. So these discussions are pretty cool (I think).

About you and MM being cake people...why didn't you just say so in the first place? Geez ;0). Seriously though, you are probably the first person on this board to come out and admit that you and MM want to have your cake and eat it too. I do appreciate all the info you don't mind sharing. I must say you have satisfied my inquiring mind...for now anyway.

I think it is cool that you became friends with the OW who had an A with your H years ago. Here goes my inquiring mind again...did you and H divorce over infidelity or was it a multitude of things?

It does not sound like MM is having an additional affair. Other than there not being enough time in the day for him to have an additonal A (one would think) it would otherswise be quite hard to tell if he was having an additional A. According to you, he is the last person anyone would ever expect of cheating. He even surprised you! I think your BF must suspect something but is just in denial to keep from facing it...or maybe he is fine with it as long as he does not have to face it. If macho men openly acknowledge something like their SO having an A, then they feel forced to confront it. But if they turn the other way, things are status quo. I mean he found some graphic writings of yours comparing him and MM, and most likely caught the tail end of you hugging and kissing with the MM? BF should suspect something. No offence to your BF but ignorance really is bliss. But then again, why would he want to rock the boat? Being with a home owning, hard working, financially secure, attractive and apparently educated and/or intelligent woman, such as yourself, is definately a very big deal to him and worth any affairs on your part. This is especially true since he has all the issues you have mentioned in previous posts (drinking, selfishness, unable or unwilling to perform sexually) and you are willing to stay with HIM after all that for all these years. I know there is more involved than you could get into on this board, but you are much kinder than me in sticking with BF all these years.

I too hope no one gets hurt regarding your A with MM. I would think MM's W would be most profoundly effected if the A were discovered.

Pen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 2:11pm