Physical Affair to Deal with ML

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2009
Physical Affair to Deal with ML
7
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 9:58pm

DW and I have mismatched libidos (ML).

Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-22-2009 - 10:59pm
there are a number of people here that are in a purely sexual relationship, and probably just as many who intended the relationship to be purely sexual that ended up finding the emotions along with the sex. I can only say you are playing with fire. But, I suppose it's better to have a fwb than it is to use hookers, at least you know where you've both been. Still, it's risky emotionally and can easily destroy both marriages when your spouses find out, and they will, it's just a matter of time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 8:05am

I don't necessarily buy the "WHEN they find out, not if" mantra. I've been in my present A for 10 years. I realize that I could get caught but I don't believe it's an inevitability.

I think your biggest danger is emotions that will most likely come out. If both of you have been sexually deprived and you're getting those needs met, it's almost instinct for affection to surface, and that can evolve to love. There are no "rules" or magic ways to keep that from happening. If it happens, it will really change things and your life becomes bittersweet. You may even end up leaving your marriages and messing up a lot of people's lives.

I see that as your biggest danger.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 4:41pm

Ohhhh....I was you several months ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 4:29pm
An important post-script....our sex life turned around 180 degrees.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2009
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 12:26pm

OK...so I get that the journey was painful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 1:27pm

First, I have to say there is a part of me that still thinks he wouldn't have believed me if I had been completely direct about planning to have an affair --- he says no way, I say even if nothing had changed, he couldn't have said I didn't make my intentions clear which would have put me on much better ground post-A.


That being said, we had some very blunt conversations about our sex life with each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2009
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 12:39pm

Hi all..I'm new to the board.